Brian didn’t say anything; he continued to wait expectantly for me to continue.

I began slowly and deliberately. "You see, Julie’s little joke? About nudists? Well…it wasn’t exactly a joke."

He asked, "You mean she was saying that she really is, like, a nudist? For real?"

I said, "Actually there’s more to it than that. You see, Julie and Jeff…" But before I could say, and I, he interrupted.

"Whoa! You mean both of them? Like, together and all that?"

"You need to let me finish," I said. Brian is really good about listening to people and anticipating where they are going with what they are saying, but this time that characteristic of his was getting in the way.

"OK. Sorry. But, I mean, that just seems so…unreal. How’d they ever get into something as crazy as that?"

"I can tell you about that," I said wishing that he would simply let me proceed.

"Well, yeah, I guess you being her best friend and all, she’s probably told you all about it. I mean, I can sort of understand about her. She’s crazy enough to try anything, but Jeff, I wouldn’t have thought that he…"

This time I interrupted him. "Brian," I said firmly enough to command his attention. "It was me. (silence) I got them started."

There was a brief pause and then all he could say was, "What?!"

I restated myself. "I introduced them to it. First Jeff. Then Julie - later."

Then in a different tone of voice, he said, "You and Jeff? Like…that? Together?"

I was surprised that I didn’t panic at this unexpected turn that our conversation was taking and make a mad scramble to try to explain away the wrong conclusion that he was jumping to. Instead, my calmness remained; my confidence remained; my desire, determination, and resolve to tell him about this in exactly the way I wanted to tell it remained. I was unfazed as I firmly but gently replied, "Brian. It’s not at all what you’re thinking. And I’ll tell you about all that - in a little bit. But first I want to leave them out of it and just talk about me. OK?"

He just nodded his head. I had the floor and I was keeping it.

"You see, for a long time now – even before my parents died – I sometimes had feelings of wanting to be free from wearing clothing; just to spend time being nude. These weren’t sexual feelings or anything like that. They were just feelings about freedom and peacefulness. And it wasn’t all the time – not like an obsession or anything. It was just – an idea; an idea that when I was out of my clothes, I was, like, away from all troubles and worries – just temporarily. I didn’t really act on these feelings much back then other than maybe taking my time before getting dressed after a shower or when changing – stuff like that. I never talked to my parents about it. I should have. I could have – at least Mom.

"Going back even further than that, my mom always taught me that I should never be ashamed of the way I looked or of my body or anything about it. She said that we were all unique and that we were meant to be the way we were and that we were created and developed in the exact way that God planned and wanted us to be. It was all by design, so we really shouldn’t be ashamed of our bodies and we shouldn’t wish we looked like somebody else or anything like that. And now remembering back, that was pretty much the attitude she followed, too.

"So that’s the attitude I grew up with regarding that. And it never bothered me to be naked around others – you know, like, over at a friend’s house or in the locker room at school or showering at camp or anything like that. And whenever I would see other girls in places like that trying so hard to avoid being seen naked and all the trouble and awkwardness they went through, well, I just thought what’s the big deal? I mean, yeah, we’re all unique, but yet at the same time we all have the same basic facts about our bodies so what really is there to hide that everyone else doesn’t already know about anyway? I suppose it was that attitude that allowed me to be comfortable enough when I was out of my clothes to notice the freedom; the peace; the serenity that I gradually grew to love. I still feel that way today – even more so.

"Anyway…after Mom and Dad’s death when I was going through all that darkness and confusion and didn’t much know or care which way was up, well, obviously there were a lot more urgent things to deal with then so I sort of forgot about my feelings and ideas about being nude. I’m sure you can imagine. You already know all about that awful time in my life."

Brian just nodded. He was clearly hanging on every word I said. He’s such a great listener and that helped me continue to feel confident as I continued my explanation. I went on to tell him about when I moved into my apartment and how that had really given me the privacy and freedom to spend a lot more time without clothes. When I was there, I pretty much just lived nude. I settled into that habit very naturally and was totally comfortable with it.

Next came the story about how I had had my first outdoors nude experience when an older college girl friend and I had gone to the Caribbean and spent a good part of a week on a nude beach. I stressed how awesome that had been and that it had changed me forever. That had led to finding a place near home along one of my running routes that was secluded enough to sunbathe nude. Nude sunbathing gradually progressed to nude hiking out there. Also, I discovered that in the early morning hours before dawn, the streets of a new housing development where no one lived yet could be used for nude running. I continued to stress to him that none of this was an obsession and none of it was sexually motivated. It was all about freedom - a freedom that was peaceful and relaxing and like nothing else. And if that wasn’t enough, it just seemed so totally natural and practical.

Then I told him about how I had been surprised and scared out of my wits while nude sunbathing out at the pasture the summer before by my friends, Ann and Jim. This was a big surprise to Brian when I brought them into the picture. We had gone over to their place one evening a few weeks before so they could meet him. I had never been specific exactly how the three of us had met and on that night nothing was mentioned about the fact that most of our time together had been spent in nude recreation. But I calmly and gently filled Brian in on all of the details about my friendship with Ann and Jim and their kids and all the things we had done together. (They had given me permission to tell Brian about them if I chose to.)

It seemed (at least to me) that I had talked non-stop for forever. Finally I paused and said, "Well, this is a lot to hit you with all at once, isn’t it?"

"I – I had no idea," he said in a bewildered sort of way. There was no hint of anger or anything bad - I was glad of that. He continued with, "I mean, I’ve never known anybody who did this – you know – kind of thing."

I just nodded in understanding. I wanted to get everything out on the table, but not go so fast that he missed the basics. Then as if seeking clarification, he asked, "So you’ve, like, been to what, a nude beach or a nude campground?"

"Yeah."

"Which?" He seemed confused.

"Both," I answered simply and frankly.

"Both!" he repeated in astonishment and then leaned back in his chair shaking his head and laughing a little as though in disbelief.

The laughter that accompanied his response instantly triggered off a couple of emotions within me. For a split-second, I felt angry and then as I tried to bring that under control I just felt hurt and humiliated – like maybe he wasn’t taking me seriously. I said in a tone of voice that betrayed a failed attempt to control my anger and hurt, "Brian. You can get mad at me if you want to. You can chew me out if that makes you feel better. But don’t laugh at me!"

I had never talked to him like that before and it caught him off guard. The laughter suddenly disappeared into a look of surprise and then in an apologetic tone, he said, "No. No. Sunny, I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean to laugh at you. I mean, I don’t even know why I laughed. I guess I – well, I don’t know why. I’m sorry."

"It’s alright," I replied and then paused before continuing. "Well, I’ve talked a lot and told you a lot of things. And although I’ve probably run this into the ground already, Brian, I want to make absolutely sure that you understand why I do this. For me, this is about freedom; this is about liberation; this is about relaxation; this is about fun. It’s a preference of mine and it’s normal for me. And Brian, please understand that it’s not at all about sex. Not at all. I want to make sure you know that before I go any further. OK?"

He responded in seriousness, "Yeah, Sunny. I believe everything you’re telling me. I mean, you’ve told me about what it is and what it isn’t and I’m fine with that, but still…I don’t see how…I mean, when you’re, like, at one of these places, there’s a lot of people there, right?"

"Yeah, usually."

"And they’re all naked?" he asked. He was being serious.

"Pretty much all, yeah."

"And you?"

"Yeah, Brian, but when you’re at a place like that, that’s the norm. Everybody is nude, but that’s really all that’s different. Everything else is the same. People are all there just doing whatever they’d be doing at any other beach or campground or whatever," I explained.

"Yeah, but…I mean, don’t people, like, stare at you and doesn’t that embarrass you or scare you or bother you or…anything?"

"First of all, people don’t stare. We’re all nude so that makes us all the same so there goes any reason to stare right out the window."

"But I just can’t imagine that," he said in all sincerity and then he began to fall all over himself as he continued with, "because, I mean, well, OK I know I’ve never seen you – you know - naked, but babe, you’re so hot. And when I think about you someplace like that, naked and all, I can’t imagine you not being the total center of attention."

"Brian, that’s sweet. The only thing that embarrasses me is when you over-exaggerate like that."

"Look, I’m not just saying that," he said continuing on in an even more serious vein.

I then realized that I had underestimated the seriousness of his previous statement. This really was a concern for him that was perhaps driven by jealousy. I knew I’d better defuse that notion as quickly as possible, so in equal seriousness, I said, "Thanks, but when it comes right down to it, you know, I’m just another girl - just like any other girl – a human female. I look basically the same as everyone else, especially when it’s just skin and no other adornments - like clothes. In a group of nude people, no one really stands out any more than anyone else. I’m no more the center of attention there than I am when I go to, like, the mall or the grocery store. And in fact, it’s a lot like that. There’s all kinds of people – all ages; all sizes; all different yet so much alike."

"You’d for sure stand out to me," he said still not convinced.

"Yeah, and I’d pick you out of a crowd, too – any crowd - in an instant, but that’s ‘cause I love you so much and I love being with you. You’re the center of my world. You see, it’s different between us. We’re in love. We’re attracted to each other emotionally and physically. That’s a special thing that’s just between us. Sure, other people may see us – even interact with us - together as a couple or separately as individuals, but still that’s on a whole different level than it is with what you and I have. You and I are inside each other’s most inner circle. We share intimacy in that way. I don’t know if that makes any sense or not."

I paused to let him respond if he wanted, but when he didn’t I continued with, "What I’m trying to say is; when somebody sees me nude or I see them, that’s not inside my inner circle. It’s on the outside. It’s the same as looking around the room here and seeing the other customers and them seeing us. It’s on the surface. It’s not intimate. See?"

"OK, I think I understand what you’re trying to say," he said. "But I’m not sure why you’re saying it."

"Because…now I want to talk about Jeff."

"Oh."

I started right from the beginning about Jeff giving him all the background of how we had been acquaintances for a couple of years before we sort of stumbled into discovering each other’s interest in naturism. As I explained all about how I had introduced Jeff to it, I emphasized (sometimes subtly; sometimes not so subtly) the fact that the relationship I had with Jeff was totally based on friendship – always had been; always would be. I took a long time to clearly explain all of this, because I didn’t want there to be any misunderstandings - none. I wanted Brian to come away from this part of our discussion knowing with absolute certainty that Jeff and I were not now and never had been involved with each other in any way romantically. And at the same time, I wanted Brian to be assured that my involvement with him was romantically oriented and that it was exclusive to him alone.

As I told him all of this, I watched him intently so as to know if there was any hint of jealousy or anger or other negative concerns, but I detected none. I spoke with determination and confidence and didn’t really give him any chance to ask questions. Again, I just wanted to get all the facts on the table without him jumping to any wrong conclusions before I was finished. By the time I was finished talking about Jeff, I felt certain that Brian had no misgivings that Jeff and I were friends and friends only. I didn’t actually ask him that; I just sensed it.

I then went on to tell him all about Julie, which took a lot more time and a lot more words before I was done. Again, it seemed like I had talked forever and as I finished up, I said, "So…that’s it. It’s a lot all at once, but I wanted you to know. I want you to know everything."

"Yeah," he replied. "Well, I never would have guessed."

I had leaned back in my chair and just sort of slouched down and collapsed against the back of it.

Then Brian asked, "Are you alright? You look exhausted."

I smiled back at him and said, "I’m fine. I’ve just been doing all the talking and a lot of it – at least for me."

"Yeah," he said. "That’s pretty unusual for you. But when you’ve got something to say, you always say it. I’ll give you that."

"Brian," I said and then leaned back up to the table. When I knew I had his attention, I continued in a very sincere tone of voice, "Thanks for hearing me out. I’m so sorry for taking so long to tell you this about me. Please forgive me. I love you. I love you so much. And I don’t want to ever keep anything from you. I want to be an open book to you. I trust you completely."

"Sunny," he said in an equally sincere voice. "I love you, too. And of course I forgive you."

"Thank you," I said with a sigh of relief. "You don’t know how much I’ve worried about this."

"Hey, it’s OK. I’m just sorry you were afraid to tell me and I’m sorry if I do anything that makes you feel that way," he said.

"No, no, it’s not you," I replied. "It’s all me. I was just afraid of – I don’t know what – of not telling it right; of not telling it in the most positive way so you’d get the right understanding. I was afraid you’d think the wrong thing about me and maybe be disappointed."

"Baby girl, I don’t think I could ever be disappointed with you," he said smiling at me and melting my heart like he has a way of doing. "I’m so glad we met and I’m so lucky that you love me and keep me around. I can’t get enough of you, Sunny. Don’t you know that?"

"That’s sweet," I said. "I like it when you say things like that. It makes me feel special."

"You are special - very special," he said. Then changing the direction of the discussion a little, he said, "But now I have to confess that I don’t totally understand everything about what you’ve been telling me. I mean, that’s not a negative or anything – it’s just; well, I just don’t understand – not all of it."

I just gave him a quizzical expression to let him know I was listening.

He continued by saying, "I hear what you’re saying about why you do what you do. I guess what it is that I don’t understand…or actually, it’s what I can’t imagine is…I just can’t imagine doing that myself, you know?"

"Sure, I know," I replied understandingly. "And I never said anything about you doing it. This is a personal choice kind of thing and I’d never expect you to do it just because I do nor would I ever try to pressure you into it or anything like that - ever."

"That’s good to know," he said.

I just smiled at him to reassure him that I understood. I knew that the more he thought about it, the more questions he’d probably have and that we’d talk a lot more. But I meant what I said – I’d never pressure him.

Then he asked another interesting question. "I’m just curious, though – and again, this isn’t a negative or anything – but when were you planning to tell me about all this?"

"Within the next three days," I answered matter-of-factly.

"Why do you say that?" he asked surprised at my answer.

"I had sort of set a deadline for myself to tell you by the end of the month," I said. "I was hoping it would come up in a casual or graceful sort of way so that maybe it would be easier. But if it hadn’t come up like it did, then sometime in the next few days I would have just said, ‘Brian, we need to talk.’"

"Oo-o-o-o," he said in a tone that sounded like fake dread and fear, "I’m glad it didn’t happen like that!"

I laughed at his funny antics and asked, "Why do you say that?"

"I don’t know," he answered. "That would have just sounded so…ominous – like something bad was going to happen – like you were going to tell me you wanted to break up or…that you’d been in prison for stealing cars or something. I don’t know!"

"Brian! I’m not like that!" I said still laughing.

From there, our conversation stayed on the lighter side for a few minutes until we both realized how late it was. Then he took me home. He had to work the next morning early and hadn’t intended to stay out this late. He walked me up the stairs to my door and as I retrieved my key from its hiding place and unlocked the door, I said, "Are you sure you can’t come in? Just for a little bit?" I really didn’t want him to leave just yet after all that we’d been through that evening.

"No, I’d like to but I can’t. I’ve gotta be there first thing in the morning," he said.

I didn’t say anything. Instead I put my arms around his neck and pulled him close and kissed him. We held our embrace for a long while and then as I felt him starting to release me, I held him tighter.

"I love you," I said in almost a whisper.

"I love you, too, babe," he replied in his soft voice that he uses when we’re alone and close. "But I really should go."

"Not yet," I said continuing to hold him close.

"You’re being kind of clingy tonight," he said.

"I just feel like a barrier has been removed from between us," I said. "I don’t want to have any secrets from you. I want you to know everything about me."

"That’s what I want, too," he said. "I think you know everything about me." Then he added in a lighter tone, "Oh yeah, did I happen to mention that I’ve been in prison for the last fifteen years for grand theft auto?"

"Brian, stop. I’m being serious," I said as we continued to hold each other.

"I know you are," he said laughing anyway.

He started to release me again, but I continued to hold him and said, "No. One more minute."

"I’ve got to get going," he argued.

"OK, make it two," I responded without letting go. I was intentionally being contrary.

He laughed, held me just as tight and played along with my little game by saying, "How about five?"

"You have to come in if its over three," I quipped. We both laughed and then I took his hand and led him inside.

The next time we were together, Brian had a lot more questions about the things that I had told him and so we began having a lot of good discussions. I was so relieved to finally have this all out in the open. I hadn’t realized what a burden keeping it from him had been. Now I couldn’t believe I had avoided it for so long. It never ceases to amaze me at how much worrying about something can blow it way out of proportion and make something seem like it’s a much bigger deal than it really is. That’s why I always try to take action rather than worry. I wish I’d followed my own advice and done that on this issue, too.

Brian is always open to new ideas and he’s such a great conversationalist – so much different than most of the other guys I’ve dated. With them, the burden of keeping a conversation going seemed like it always rested on me, but with Brian, if the conversation hits a lull, he just takes off in a different direction with it. That’s such a relief. Brian and I can talk about anything and everything – and we do. He never gets angry or upset if we don’t agree on something. It’s like, ‘oh well, whatever,’ and we go right on.

As we talked about naturism, I knew I needed to watch myself and not try to be too overly biased. I had to recognize that there was nothing I would like more than for Brian to not only understand me, but also to join me in something that I enjoyed so much. It’s only natural to want to share something like that with others that you care about and this was no different. However, I knew it was most important that he draw his own conclusions and reach his own decisions about what was right for him. It was so hard for me not to say ‘here’s what you should do’ and instead simply answer his questions. But hey, I couldn’t help it if my enthusiasm came through loud and clear, could I?

A few days after that, we were discussing some more of his questions and he mentioned that he was surprised at how many nudist and naturist web sites there were out on the ‘net. I hadn’t yet told him about my site and when he asked me if there were any that I ever checked out, I said, "Well, there’s one I’m pretty familiar with."

"Oh yeah? Which one’s that?" he asked being serious.

"Mine," I answered watching his face to see how he would react.

Once again, he was very surprised and also a little alarmed, but after I explained that there were no pictures of me (or anybody else) there and that I didn’t reveal my actual identity or location, that eased most of his concerns. I hadn’t told him about my site that first night because with all the information that I was overwhelming him with, it seemed like that was one thing that could wait a bit. I told him that writing about my experiences had grown out of my practice of journaling (he already knew all about that) and that I had done it in attempt to help others who might be wanting to know more about what they were feeling and how they could get started, but didn’t know where to turn. I explained that I had felt so alone in my ideas on naturism at first and was very confused by my feelings and ideas. I hadn’t known if my feelings were right or wrong and it had taken a lot of stumbling and searching before I finally reached the conclusions that I now believe to be right. I encouraged him to take a look at my site and read my stories.

He did indeed read my stories over the next couple of days and judging by the questions he was asking, I felt that he was getting a good understanding of what naturism meant to me and why I did what I did. The issue of streaking came up and I explained that I wasn’t really sure if my early morning nude running could technically be considered streaking since the chances of being seen were almost non-existent. I explained that I did it simply for the joy of exercising while nude. He, of course, was concerned for my safety and well being and again I emphasized that I am extremely careful and stealthy.

I was glad that he had so many questions. I felt that was a sign that he really was interested in me and what I thought and did. He wanted to know more about what it was like to be at the nude beach and campground. He wanted to know things like what the people did, what I did, did we talk to each other, did anybody ever stay dressed for any reason, did we dress and undress in restrooms or out in the open – you name it, he thought of it. He wanted to know more about what it was like for me the first time and he wanted to know if it was obvious when it somebody’s first time and what did the others do or say if they knew.

It probably sounds to you like all we ever did from then on was sit around and talk about being nude, but that’s not so. We continued to talk about everything imaginable just like before but with naturism just added to the mix.

After a couple of weeks from when I first told him, there were times when I felt that he was really starting to get it and to understand what this was all about. But then there were other times that frankly were totally exasperating and I thought he still doesn’t have a clue and I wonder if he ever will!

I knew it was one of those moments when he asked, "Does it bother you at all knowing that I’ve looked at girls on nudist web sites?"

"No," I answered matter-of-factly. It was an honest question asked in an honest way, but somehow I sensed that there was something more beneath the surface – that maybe something was bothering him and he was sort of trying to figure it out by reverse questioning. I decided to probe a little further not knowing that I would soon wish I hadn’t. "So-o-o, does it bother you that I’ve been around guys at the beach and the campground and all?"

He paused before answering which told me that something was going on with that. Then he said, "I don’t know…this is going to sound dumb, but I’m just thinking that, well, it’s like all these guys have seen you…naked, you know? And Jeff, too, and your friend, Ann’s husband. But…I mean…it’s you and I that are the couple here and…well…"

"So you’re thinking that it’s not fair that you haven’t seen me nude and they have," I stated as I interrupted his stammering and finished his sentence for him. I was both astonished and a little miffed.

"Well, yeah, I guess that says it…sort of," he said as though ashamed to admit that that’s what it really boiled down to.

A lot of things raced through my head just then. I felt frustrated that he still didn’t understand and I felt angry that he thought of me in what I felt was such a demeaning way. I just wanted to blurt out and say, ‘Yeah, Brian, that is about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard and you just don’t get it and I just don’t get guys!’ but fortunately I didn’t say that. Unfortunately, what I did say was just about as bad. I said, "Well Brian, why don’t you just take me home?! I’ll take off my clothes and you can just look me over until you feel like you’re all caught up or equal or whatever it is you think will make you happy!" The hurt look on his face made me immediately regret that I had lost it.

"Oh Brian, I’m sorry," I said in an apologetic tone. "You didn’t mean to hurt me. I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that. I’m sorry."

"It’s OK," he said. "I don’t know why I said that or what made me think that. It was stupid. I’m the one that’s sorry."

I had calmed myself down by this point and realized that there was still more teaching to be done - a lot more. I told myself to be patient. Back up. Explain again. And above all, do it in a gentle, loving way.

So I re-stated my explanations about how naturism is non-sexual and that for me it’s all about freedom. With that said, I explained again about how I felt our relationship was on a much more intimate level that was far beyond and not at all tied to non-sexual nudity and that neither seeing nor being seen nude in and of itself had anything to do with the kind of intimacy I was talking about. We had a good talk. And although every time we talked, I felt like we made progress toward a better understanding, I still sensed that we were not there yet and I couldn’t figure out exactly why. What was the missing link that would tie it all together?

At another point during our conversation that night, for some reason beyond me, he revisited that first sore subject by asking me, "Don’t get mad again because I don’t really want you to do this, but…would you like…really have done what you said? You know…the thing about taking you home and all?"

"You mean take my clothes off for you?" I asked as I felt my anger starting to fire up again. Keep the lid on your temper, girl, I told myself.

He nodded a little hesitantly.

"No," I answered flatly in a way that showed I was disappointed that this had come up again. "And it’s not because I’m afraid to, ‘cause I’m not. It’s because it would be contrived and undignified and cheap. And that’s not what I’m about. You know that."

"Yeah. Sorry," he said in a way that showed that he, too, was sorry he had brought it up again.

As I was out running the next day and mulling over last night’s conversation with Brian, I kept trying to put the pieces together in different ways to figure what I needed to do to get my ideas across to him. Finally, a pattern of inconsistency began to emerge in my mind. Whenever Brian and I talked about naturism, I had always stressed that it was all about freedom and not about sex. So if - and this was a big if because I hadn’t asked him about this – but, if he was thinking about what it might be like for us to be nude together and if he kept thinking about the fact that we are a couple and naturally attracted to each other, then maybe he couldn’t imagine being nude together without being sexually attracted – actually, sexually aroused. I could sympathize with this confusion and decided to ask him about it the next time we were together. I spent the rest of my run working through this issue in my own mind in preparation.

The next evening we were together and when we finally had some time alone to talk I decided to ask my probing question, but I decided to ask it in an open and vague sort of way so as not to embarrass him or put him on the spot. "Brian, I’ve been thinking and…I’ve been wondering…I know we haven’t talked much about this, but…have you ever thought about what it might be like for us to be nude together?" Before he could answer, I continued with, "I mean, I don’t think we’re ready for that even if you have thought about it, but one thing that kind of bothers me is - because we’re a couple and all – I kind of wonder about…arousal…that might happen…at times…like if we’re alone." I watched him closely to pick up on any reaction to what I was saying and the lights definitely went on.

"Yeah. Yeah, I have thought about that! And that’s the same thing I’m worried about, too. I know it’s supposed to be non-sexual, but Sunny, I just can’t imagine being together with you like that and not being turned on. So how can it be non-sexual? Tell me that!"

"Wow. This has really been bothering you, hasn’t it?" I said. I could now sense his frustration.

"Well, yeah," he said. "I mean, here we’re both committed to abstinence, but then here is naturism, something that is important to you and you make it sound so beautifully free and innocent, but to me, it seems like a major turn-on. I mean, even thinking about us together like that does it to me. I’m confused. Especially now when you say you’re worried about it, too."

"Listen, babe," I said trying to sound reassuring, "I think I understand your confusion so let me try to explain some things, but I have to admit that I’m kind of into new territory here myself.

"First of all, I have to confess that the other night, I was pretty angry with you for awhile when you were talking about seeing me nude – or not seeing me, as it was – and I’m sorry for that. Please forgive me.

"Second, I think the reason for that misunderstanding and maybe for all this confusion in general is that I’ve been talking about naturism – non-sexual nudity – from a completely social standpoint like at the campground or with friends like Julie and Jeff or even just alone. But this is way different. We - you and I - aren’t a social group and we’re way more than friends. We’re a couple, we’re very much in love, and we’ve got a serious case of the hots for each other. (We both laughed.) That’s normal and healthy, but we’ve put limits on ourselves rather than go all the way with it.

"Like you said, we’ve agreed that we’re going to continue to abstain, as hard as that is, and that we’re committed to that for each other and we each have our reasons. I love you, Brian, and I trust you with that agreement. I trust you as much as, well, probably more than I trust myself.

"OK, where am I going with all this. When we’re together and we’re alone and we’re close and we’re so turned on by each other, that’s…hey, don’t give me that innocent look; you know what you do to me! (We both laughed.) But anyway, I’m just saying that’s normal. We don’t avoid it, but we don’t give in to it either. We accept it and enjoy it. That’s the way it is for us - when we’re alone. But it’s not like that when we’re out in public or anything like that.

"Well, I think that for couples – like us – even when you throw naturism into the mix, I think it’s the same thing. Together, alone, close, romantic situation – I think I’d probably be as aroused as I would be any other time."

"For sure I would," Brian said.

"Well, I think that’s normal, you know?" I responded. "Like with Ann and Jim, they seem like a regular married couple, right? You don’t see them doing anything out of the ordinary or anything like that when we’ve been around them, right?"

"Right."

"Well, they’re the very same way all the times I’ve been with them and we’ve been nude together. They’re the same way as when you’ve seen them. But when they’re alone together and they’re romantic, well, even if only half of what Ann tells me is true, wow!"

Brian laughed and asked, "She tells you about them…you know?"

"Oh yeah," I said. "In detail. I think she takes some sort of perverse pleasure in reminding me of things I can’t have." We laughed. "But I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t think naturism is as much a factor for a couple as you might think."

"Yeah, but don’t you think that clothes act as some sort of, I don’t know, like a barrier or limitation that keeps two people from going too far?" Brian asked. It was a good question.

"If clothes are the only barrier, we’d for sure be in trouble," I said. "Think about it. How long does it take to get out of your clothes? A few seconds probably? Not very long. So its like there we’d be, a passionate moment, and then ten seconds later our clothes are on the floor and we’re hooked up. No, there’s got to be a lot more to it than that. See?"

He nodded his head in agreement, but I could tell he still didn’t feel like he had the answer to the dilemma.

I continued. "What keeps us from getting carried away is the fact that we talked about our beliefs and our intentions in the area of sex early on. We made some agreements and we’re committed to those agreements for each other. It’s our love and respect for each other that keeps these in place – even when we’re close and want each other like that. I trust you, Brian. I trust you with everything that’s me – my heart, my soul, my emotions, my secrets, and yeah, my body, too – everything. I don’t have to do that, but I’m comfortable with it - my love for you makes me want to."

"Wow," he said. "I never thought about some of those things."

"That’s ‘cause you’re just a guy," I said as a joke, but still trying to act serious.

"Hey!" he said acting offended even though he knew I was joking.

"Just messin’ with ya’, boy," I said smiling and trying to lighten things up a little.

That conversation proved to be a major turning point in Brian’s understanding of naturism and what it was all about at least in relation to me. I now believed that he understood that it was totally normal for me and that he understood a lot about why. He still had questions, but he no longer seemed frustrated as we discussed them. I think he now understood that what he was thinking and feeling was normal and that I had a sense of understanding of him and his perspectives. It had done me a lot of good, too, to work out some of those things in my own mind.

Still, with all of his questions and all of the knowledge I was providing, I knew that he couldn’t quite imagine trying it for himself. I assured him that that was OK and that just because I did it and some of our friends did, it didn’t mean that he had to. I assured him that it was entirely his choice and that I was never going to pressure him. After all, my goal was simply for him to understand me – anything beyond that would be nice, but I wasn’t going to get my hopes up for it. I remained patient.

Then one afternoon, he was over and we went running together. We seldom were together during the day because he lives far enough away that it’s not very convenient and also because our study and work schedules vary so much and seldom mesh during the day. But today was an exception and we had decided to take advantage of it by going running together. It was a beautifully warm October afternoon. We had run together a few times before, but it had always been in the evening so I decided to use this daytime run to take him out on my out-of-town route, which took us past "the pasture". Of course, I had told him all about "the pasture" during our conversations and he was anxious to see where it was. I pointed it out as we ran along the road beside it on our way out.

Now that he had seen it, he asked more questions as we ran on out to the turnaround point and then coming back we stopped at "the pasture" gate. We looked beyond the grassy area toward the trees. He wanted to know where it was that I entered the trees and how far it was from there to where I got undressed and where I usually left my clothes and things like that. I started to explain and then said, "Well, hey, why don’t we just go check it out? You want to? It’s easier than trying to explain it."

"I don’t know," he said hesitantly.

"I don’t mean nude or anything," I clarified. "We can just walk back there and you can see it for yourself. That’s all."

"OK. Cool," he said. "Let’s do that."

We climbed the gate and went over into the trees. I showed him where I usually get undressed and then we walked on deeper into the pasture through the trees along the creek. The route was totally familiar to me so it was fun to hear Brian’s observations of the area as he saw it for the first time.

It wasn’t long before we came to the place where I had introduced first Jeff and then Julie to the fine art of hiking without clothes. As we stood there in the trees above the place where I usually hid my stuff, we talked more about that. Brian continued to look around the secluded area we were standing in. He said that he was surprised at how secluded and remote this place actually seemed – much more so than he had imagined it. Most of the leaves on the tress had turned to fall colors by now but had not yet fallen so the place we were in was still as secluded as it had been all summer. It was such a beautiful day to be out there and I could tell that Brian now understood how removed from the rest of the world it seemed when I was out here. Seeing is believing.

"Wow. You can’t see any houses or roads or anything back here, can you." he said.

"No," I said, "and in fact, unless the wind is just dead still, you can’t even hear any cars or trucks from the highway."

"This is way cool," he said. "You’d probably be hiking nude right now if I wasn’t here, wouldn’t you."

"Oh yeah," I answered. "In a heartbeat." Then immediately I regretted saying that so enthusiastically, hoping that I hadn’t made him feel like he was in the way or unwelcome or something.

He said as he continued to look around, "You know, now that I’m out here and I’m seeing the place, I can almost imagine what it might be like."

Then bingo! A light went on in my head and a jillion thoughts crossed my mind in an instant. Here we were in the perfect place at the perfect time with the perfect weather. Brian understood me and my motives. He knew all about my experiences. I could tell from the nature of his questions that he was thinking seriously about what it might be like to try being nude out here with me, but I also knew he wasn’t there yet – that he wasn’t ready to actually take the plunge himself. He was open to knowing and understanding more – anything I or anyone else wanted to share with him - but what should the next step be if it wasn’t simply going ahead and trying it? Answer: an example! Somebody to show him. Somebody to demonstrate how normal and natural it is and how easy it is and how its nothing to be afraid of. And who better for that job than me?! Should I do it? Is he ready for that? Can he handle it? Yes! Have I got the guts to do it now that it has actually come down to it? Don’t think about it. Take action. Just do it! Do it for him.

I took a deep breath, let it out, and then said, "Brian?"

This brought his attention back to me and he said, "Yeah, babe?"

I said, "I think we should continue our walk…and uh…I’m going to go nude."

"Whoa now, wait a minute," he said in alarm. "I thought we just came to look around. I-I-I don’t think we’re ready for that yet."

"You’re right – we…are not," I said going into take-charge mode. "You’re going to stay dressed. Look, we’ve talked and talked about this. You know all about it, but you haven’t seen it in action. And that’s about to change. It’s the next logical step and it’s the right thing to do now."

"Whoa, Sunny, I don’t know about this," he said very nervously and unsure.

"Well, I do," I said trying to sound more confident than I actually felt. Keep moving, I told myself as I leaned down to untie and take off my shoes. I looked up and saw him looking down at me and it made me nervous to think that he was going to just stand there and watch me get undressed. Gotta give him something to do, I thought. "Take off your shoes and socks, but that’s it," I told him. (He hadn’t worn a shirt.) When I stood back up, I saw that he had turned away from me and was fumbling with his shoelaces. Poor Brian. He was clearly very nervous, but oh well, better him than me right now since it was up to me to keep things moving. I quickly peeled off my sweaty clothes and left them where they fell.

Brian picks up the story in the next part.

End - Part 2 of 4