Sometimes you just have to follow your instincts.  Somehow an idea gets planted inside your head and it starts to grow.  You don’t know where it came from or why it’s there, but it’s there nonetheless.  It stays firmly entrenched; not an obsession; not a compulsion; just an idea that won’t go away.  It’s persistent.  It gently nags.  Something inside tells you to pursue it.  You don’t know why when you finally decide to give in to it.  It’s just a feeling – a feeling that says this is something you should do.  There’s no other way to explain it.  And so it unfolds. 

You see, there was a place I felt like I needed to visit – actually, to re-visit.  I’d been there before when I was a kid with my parents, but I was fairly young at the time and didn’t remember very much about it.  But my parents sure did.  From that time on I can remember that every so often they would talk about going back there again – back to the island.  I think to them it represented an escape from the sometimes hectic routine of their busy professional lives – a place to slip away to when one or the other of them was feeling stressed and overwhelmed with whatever might have been pressing at the time.  That’s just my guess – I never thought to ask them about it. 

We had taken a family vacation – my parents and I.  I was around eight at the time.  The first part of the trip was to Disney World in Florida.  I have lots of vivid memories about that.  We spent several days there visiting the various parks.  It was non-stop fun.  I can remember my mom and dad having lots of fun, too – right along with me.  We did everything together - the three of us – riding all the rides, doing all the activities, and visiting all the exhibits.  And we played hard.  I can remember being in line at the gates to the parks when they opened in the morning and walking out with the crowds at night when they closed.  So much fun.  These are very fond memories that I’ll cherish forever.

The next part of the trip I don’t remember so well.  We left the excitement of Disney World and went to a place that I’ll simply refer to as the island.  It was quite an extreme change for me coming out of the non-stop hustle-bustle excitement of what to me seems like it must be the world’s greatest theme park complex and then suddenly finding myself on a laid-back peaceful island.  Too much change too quickly maybe for an eight year old.  I don’t know, I just remember being bored with it all for the most part and wishing we were still at Disney World. 

Anyway, from then on whenever my parents talked about that time on the island, they always sounded so dreamy as they talked about laying on the beach and walking along the shore and they would rave and rave about how beautiful the sunsets were.  That just seemed so odd to me that they could go on so about a sunset.  I mean, a sunset is a sunset, right?  Weren’t they the same everywhere?  And then in the same breath they’d always declare that we were going back there – back to the island - and soon – but it always had to wait.  It had to wait until after the something-or-other project was finished or after the such-and-such deal closed.  And so…it was perpetually postponed…and then it was too late. 

It was gradually over quite some time that the idea to go back to that place first surfaced in my mind and began to grow.  What I hoped to find there was totally unclear to me and my mindset toward it was, yeah, I’ll do it someday – someday when I have the time – someday in the future – I’ll think about it then.  So it was with a lot of surprise and suddenness that the possibility to actually take this trip became reality. 

I had just graduated from college and begun my first full-time job in my field.  I actually began the job on a part-time basis during my last few months of school and felt very fortunate that the opportunity to go full-time with it had opened up.  The job market was very tight and I really didn’t receive any other reasonable offers in all of my job searching.  Part of the stipulation for getting the job was that I was to start full-time immediately following graduation.  I had hoped to have a week or so off right after finishing school to just sort of unwind and grasp the fact that for the first time in my life I was no longer a student.  But when the job was offered with that stipulation, I didn’t quibble over it.  I was grateful for the opportunity and in the grand scheme of things it didn’t really matter that much if I graduated on Saturday and started working full-time on Monday. 

I hadn’t been working very long in my new job when I came into an unexpected surprise – some time off.  It turned out that the two people in my work group who had been assigned to be my mentors were both going to be off for a week at exactly the same time.  They had made these plans long before it was known that I would be hired and it seems that they both were involved in some sort of big out-of-town event related to their respective families and that made it impossible for either of them to adjust their plans. 

Whatever the reason, it didn’t seem like such a big deal to me that they’d both be gone at the same time.  I knew I’d miss their help and guidance, but there was still plenty to keep me busy and there were others that I could call on for help.  But when my supervisor realized that both of my mentors were scheduled out at the same time, he decided to offer me the chance to take off for the same week if I wanted.  And not only that, he offered to advance me the earned time off with pay (I hadn’t earned any paid time off yet).  He left it up to me to decide – either way was fine with him.  I decided to go for it.  This would take the place of that little break between the end of school and starting to work that I didn’t get earlier.  It’s funny - they were in such a hurry for me to come on board and now after just a few weeks they were giving me time off – a whole week.  Corporations do funny things sometimes. 

The time for my unexpected vacation was coming up quickly which didn’t leave me much lead time for planning.  But even with the short notice, it still seemed like too good of an opportunity to pass up visiting the place where my parents and I had been.  So I went right to work doing research and making my plans. 

I was hoping that this adventure related to my past wouldn’t prove to be just a big disappointment once I got there.  I didn’t want it to turn out like a similar re-visit that I had put myself through a couple of years before.  That one was more of a spur-of-the-moment type of impulse and while I guess I’m glad I did it because I did learn from it, it still left me with mixed emotions. 

What happened was I guess I was feeling a little depressed one night.  It was very late and I couldn’t sleep.  I was thinking of my parents and missing them a lot and it was sort of getting me down.  I just decided to get up and go down past the house that we had lived in.  It was about an hour’s drive through the wee hours of the morning.  I knew I was flirting with emotional disaster and as I drove down our old street, I felt the grief coming back and starting to swell and sear inside me.  I pulled over across the street from our house and just sat there in my car looking at the house in the darkness.  I remember feeling so empty and alone as I sat there in the stillness of the early morning.  The memories came back flooding through my mind and I made no attempt whatsoever to direct or control them.  I cried and cried as I remembered all the good times there and how secure I had felt living there.  Of course, I hadn’t realized how good I had it until I no longer had it and I was revisited by the pain and grief that had so consumed me over the months following. 

I suppose I sat there for at least an hour like that – probably more – experiencing all of those memories and emotions.  Then as dawn approached and it began to get lighter, I could see more of the details around me.  I began to notice that the landscaping around the house and yard had changed a lot.  Not only had the tress and bushes grown, but some things that I remembered being there were now gone and other things had been planted.  As the light became brighter still I could see that the house was now a different color.  What had been so familiar in my mind as a memory was now not so familiar as a reality. 

I reached the conclusion that things can never stay the same.  They constantly change and that I needed to deal with that and move on.  I needed to hang on to things like this only in my mind.  These were memories to be cherished, but of course there was no way to relive them.  In fact, I now knew that for some things there wasn’t even anyway to revisit them.  As I started my car and slowly pulled away, I vowed to keep my home and my childhood with my parents alive and well in my mind, but to never physically return to this place again.  I liked it so much better the way it had been then and it could only be like that in my memories.  As I looked one more time at the house and up at the windows to what had been my room, I thought if that’s now some other child’s room, I hope that they are as happy there as I was and I pray that they can somehow realize it now. 

But the trip I wanted to take now was different and I knew I needed to proceed with it.  The first thing I did was  ask several of my girl friends if they would be interested in going with me, but it was all coming about on such short notice that it was no surprise that none of them could work it out.  I had never traveled alone this far for this long before so I knew that would add another dimension to my adventure.  I scrambled around to do a lot of research on the area I would be visiting.  I really learned a lot and the more I learned the more excited I became about going.  Once my plans were pretty well figured out, I then shopped around via phone and Internet and made all my own reservations.  That was a first, too, and it gave me a real sense of accomplishment to put all of those plans in place. 

When the day came for me to go, I was up early at what seemed like still the middle of the night and I was wondering whatever possessed me to book the first flight of the day.  I guess I was a little over anxious about making sure I arrived at my destination well before dark so that I could find my way around easier.  In spite of the early hour, my boyfriend came to take me to the airport and see me off.  He waited with me as I stood in line to check in and then waited even longer with me to go through security.  He’s so sweet.  I knew I was going to miss him so much.  How was I going to bear being away from him for a week?  It wasn’t going to be easy, but yet I knew this was something I needed to do and he understood and was totally supportive.  We had talked a little about him going with me, but there were a number of reasons why that wouldn’t work out. 

The line was slow, but eventually there we were at the security check in for the gate area.  One last kiss and embrace and then I stepped through the security check.  Suddenly I was on my own.  Not long after that we started boarding.  My flights were uneventful and arrived pretty much on time.  It wasn’t long before I was on my way through the Florida sunshine.

I guess I was pretty paranoid about getting lost, because I had researched and cross-checked and triple-checked directions on how to get to the island and then once on the island, how to find my place.  I had my directions printed out on the seat beside me, but I knew them so well that I didn’t even look at them once.  Instead, I enjoyed the scenery as I kept track of every road and street sign along the way.  It’s so refreshing to visit another part of the country and see the palms and other unfamiliar trees and flowering bushes and even the birds, too, in the trees or standing in the water along the roadside. 

Soon I was crossing the long bridge to the island and it was so exciting to see the boats in the bay and the brown pelicans flying over the water and sitting on the bridge rail.  The wind was blowing stronger out here over the water.  I knew that, because I had the windows all the way down.  I didn’t care that it was hot – I wanted to feel and smell the air.  As the island drew nearer and nearer, my excitement grew higher and higher.  I was really doing this – all on my own.  My doubts and anxieties were being replaced with feelings of confidence and accomplishment not to mention the wonder and excitement of discovering a new place. 

As I drove onto the tree-lined streets of the island, my memorized directions continued to take care of me.  The street signs I was looking for appeared about where I expected them leaving me free to enjoy the slow drive along a long street that was covered in shade from tall pine trees that were unlike any I had ever seen before.  They covered the street in many places almost like a canopy.  At first there were beautiful homes in tropical colors along the street, but then a little farther on the buildings changed over to businesses of various kinds – restaurants, stores, small touristy-type shops, and even a couple of small shopping centers. 

Another couple of turns at another couple of intersections and I knew I should be near my place.  I watched the signs intently – there were many now – and soon I located the one I was looking for and pulled in.  I was here.  I got my place, changed immediately, and headed out for the beach. 

The beach.  The beautiful, glorious beach.  Sand under my feet; sun on my skin; wind in my hair; the smell of the ocean; water and waves as far as the eye can see.  Taking it all in was almost a sensory overload.  I love it.  I left my towel and things right there and headed straight down to the water.  I walked out into the surf a little ways and dove into the next wave as it approached me.  I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this or ever take it for granted; feeling the power of the ocean, swimming with strong strokes against the oncoming waves, feeling each wave lift me up and rush past and over me as I thrust each arm rapidly forward and pull deep and hard into the moving water trying to pull myself forward faster than the oncoming wave can push me back.  You don’t get any kind of a rush like that in the controlled confines of a pool and the buoyancy that the salt water gives you provides a noticeable feeling of lightness.  So awesome.  So surreal. 

I swam hard like that to get out a ways from the shore.  Then I swam back and forth parallel to the shore – never going too far in either direction before reversing.  I’m not a very confident ocean swimmer – at least not yet.  It didn’t take me long to get my heart rate up and get a good breathing pattern going.  I kept it up for quite awhile until I could feel a good burn in my shoulders.  Then I relaxed my pace and let the waves carry me back in to shore. 

Back on the beach, I began to explore and study the shoreline as I walked along slowly.  I found the shells there fascinating.  There were so many and such a variety of shapes and colors and sizes.  I had noticed them coming down to the water, but now it really hit me how fascinating they could be.  It wasn’t long before I had my hands full of some that I wanted to keep.  There were a number of other people all up and down the beach doing the same thing I was. 

As I walked back to where my things were, I noticed a cloud bank in the sky looming in the distance, but didn’t give it much thought at the time.  I spread out my towel on the sand and lay down.  It felt good to simply relax there in the sun.  It had been a long day already and I found myself struggling to stay awake.  Apparently, I lost out against the struggle, because the next thing I knew, I was waking up to the chill of some sporadic cold raindrops hitting my back.  Then I noticed the sound of thunder that was not too far away.  I got up, gathered my things, and headed back to my place.  Within a few minutes, a serious thunderstorm swept through with a heavy downpour, strong wind, and plenty of thunder and lightning.  I would learn over the course of my time there that an afternoon rain storm was a fairly regular occurrence but fortunately, it usually didn’t last very long.

I used this time inside to finish getting settled in to my temporary home away from home.  It was small – even smaller than my little apartment – and it wasn’t fancy, but it was plenty comfortable enough for just me and it was my intention to spend as little time there as possible so that I could be out and about exploring and experiencing the island. 

Eventually the rain stopped but the clouds remained so rather than return to the beach, I decided to head out and back track to the business area of the island to find something to eat and to pick up some groceries for my stay.  I prefer to prepare my own meals for the most part.  By the time I had returned home and put away my groceries, I was ready for sleep.  The noisy air conditioner put the thought into my head that maybe at night it would be cool enough that air conditioning wouldn’t be needed.  I got up, turned it off, figured out how to open all the windows, and then turned the ceiling fan on low.  It worked!  Now it was quiet and comfortable and I was lulled to sleep by the sound of the breeze blowing through the palms outside my windows. 

The sun was well up by the time I awoke the next morning.  I jumped out of bed and decided to go for a run first thing.  I got dressed and headed over to the beach to try running there.  It was a beautiful day.  I stretched a little more and then began my run down the beach.  The beach was firm enough for good running although it was pretty uneven in a lot of places.  I felt that I definitely needed to keep my shoes on because of all the shells and pieces of shells covering so much of the beach; however, I did notice a couple of runners running barefoot down on the wet sand next to the water.  I felt bad whenever I had to step on the shells while I was running, but they were so thick in many places that there was no where else to step. 

Beach running was definitely a new experience for me.  There were so many new things to observe along the way.  I couldn’t help but notice all of the various birds flying and feeding on the beach and in the water, the boats near the shore and far out, and the ocean with all its variety of colors and textures.  It was all so amazing.  Going out to run first thing in the morning became a daily routine for me although it never felt routine with all of the new places to explore and things to see.  People that I met or passed along the way out on the beach always seemed so pleasant and friendly.  They usually always had a smile or a ‘good morning’ to offer as they were walking or shelling or whatever they were doing out there to enjoy themselves.

I found that after a couple of days of beach running, my calves were really hurting and I attributed that to the uneven surfaces I had been running on.  So in an effort to balance things out, I started doing part of my running each day on the bike paths that interlaced most of the island.  These paths were in excellent shape and with the island being entirely flat, that was just what my calves and ankles sorely needed (pun intended). 

After running each day, I would shower off and then eat some breakfast.  Then I would get my things together including something to eat (lunch and snacks) and plenty of water before heading out - usually for the entire day.  These adventures usually started out with some exploring or touring of the island or – to be more specific – visiting the various beaches.  Do I have a one-track mind or what?!  Anyway, after a couple of days, I had discovered my favorite beach, so that’s where I always wound up after doing something else or visiting other beaches and other parts of the island for part of the day. 

I wanted to make sure that I visited all parts of the island because I had no idea where we had been or where we had stayed when I was here before as a kid with my parents.  But nothing that I was seeing anywhere on the island jumped out at me as being familiar from way back then so for all practical purposes, it was like I was visiting the island for the very first time even though I knew for a fact that I’d been here before with my parents albeit only for a few days.

Like I mentioned previously, it already sounds like I have a one-track mind about the beach, but before I proceed to prove beyond any shadow of a doubt that that’s true, I did do a few other things while I was there.  One of them was to attend a church service on the island that was very meaningful and uplifting.  The people I met there were extremely welcoming and friendly and I got a real sense of community there. 

Another thing I did, which was a first for me, was kayaking.  From my research about the island I learned that there was a place where I could rent a kayak and take a self-guided tour through the mangroves along a marked waterway trail in the bay.  That sounded like such a cool thing that I just had to check it out. 

When I arrived at the place that morning, it just so happened that they were about to start a guided tour that would be led by someone who knew all about the environment and ecosystem there as well as kayaking so I opted for the whole package.  And I’m glad I did because I learned so much and gained even more appreciation for the balance that nature has in place in our world.  The lady who was leading our group was a naturalist and she knew and explained so much about the environment there that was all so new to me.  Yes, I meant to say naturalist in the true sense of the word; not naturist.  Those two words are so easily and often confused.  In fact, one person in our group mistakenly referred to her once as a naturist.  I smiled and thought to myself, ‘Uh, that would be me.’  But anyway, I had a great time that morning learning to kayak, learning about the ecosystem, and exploring that area.  Our guide was also a great kayak instructor and I felt like I had a good grasp of paddling technique by the time we were finished. 

Now getting back to my beach adventures, I visited a number of beaches all over the island and in doing so I learned to recognize the subtle differences in each one.  There were differences in the number and types of shells that could be found, the texture of the sand, the plant life (trees and grass) that lined the back of the beach, the buildings and houses (or lack of them) that backed up to the beach, and even the people that were present on each one.  I enjoyed all of the beaches I visited, but I kept returning to one particular beach each day – my favorite.

My favorite beach was part of a park.  There were various facilities there in the park itself, but there were no buildings visible from the beach as long as you stayed in that area.  I usually found myself wandering long distances up and down the beach in both directions which would take me out of the park along stretches of beach where there were vacation homes that you could see from the beach although most of them were still some distance back. 

My usual habit was to enter the beach through the park and then walk up the beach a ways to distance myself from most of the people.  It was never crowded anywhere on the beach, but most of the other beach goers tended to cluster near the entrance so I didn’t have to go very far to get a feeling of solitude.  There were still people in sight and some of them walked up the beach past where I was, but by laying out my towel and things back a little ways from the shoreline, I felt pretty much to myself.  It was so beautiful there with the ocean before me, the trees behind me, and the beach stretching out on both sides of me.  It truly had a natural peaceful feel to it. 

So that’s where I would set up my base camp for the day and from there I would roam the beach in both directions.  It was a very unstructured time meaning that I really had no set plans as to how I would spend my day.  I just did whatever I felt moved to do at the moment.  Ordinarily at home that would drive me crazy, but here on the beach it was no problem.  The hours seemed to slip by like minutes.  Even the tiniest most insignificant things would sometimes capture and hold my attention.  I spent so much time just watching the birds.  They, unlike me, were always very busy.  I especially enjoyed watching the big brown pelicans flying along out over the water.  It never ceased to amaze me how they could be flying along so fast and then suddenly change direction and fly straight into the water head first in pursuit of a fish.  Then they would sit there on the water for a few seconds before flipping their beak up and swallowing whatever they had caught.  Then they’d manage to get themselves back into the air and do it all over again. 

The smaller birds on the shore were always about their business of eating, too.  It was fun to watch them follow the retreating water down along the wet sand pecking at whatever it was they ate and then suddenly turn and scurry back up the sand as a wave came rushing in right behind them.  The bigger birds – ibis and herons – were often walking along and feeding in the surf.  Even the gulls as they congregated in large numbers on the sand were still busy preening and squawking and interacting among themselves.  Occasionally something or someone would spook them and they’d all fly out over the water and then return to the sand - sometimes to the exact same spot. 

Another thing that I could never seem to ignore on my wanderings up and down the beach was the shells.  I mentioned that already, but the shells proved to be a constant source of fascination for me.  There were so many different kinds and sizes and colors not to mention the fact there were just simply so many.  There were some places along the beach where they had washed in and piled up almost like a snow drift.  After a few days, I had so many I didn’t know what to do with them all.  I’d start out on one of my strolls along the beach thinking to myself, ignore the shells; don’t pick up any more shells; you have too many already.  But it wouldn’t be long before there I’d be again with another handful (or two!) of shells. 

One discovery that made me think I was imaging things was when I first saw coquinas burrowing in the sand.  These are very small live shell creatures that get uncovered when a wave is going back out leaving their colorful shells exposed on the wet sand.  They immediately wiggle and burrow themselves back into the sand out of sight.  They could do this so quickly that it took me awhile to figure out what I was seeing. 

Other discoveries and observations that occurred unexpectedly on my beach meanderings were seeing small sting rays feeding in the shallow water near the shore.  They would come into such shallow water with an incoming wave and then quickly escape back away as the wave retreated.  Another beautiful sight was the slow graceful swimming of dolphins feeding just off shore.  I saw small groups of dolphins several times during my stay there and that was such a thrill for me.  They appeared so peaceful as they made their slow graceful arcs on the surface periodically that would expose their dark colored fin and back as they expelled their air in a misty puff through their blow hole before submerging again to feed. 

During one of my long beach meanderings along my favorite beach, I discovered an area that at first put me off because I didn’t think it was very pretty, but I soon came to appreciate it as a place of solitude and seclusion as well as an area of beauty in its own rough way.  What put me off the first time I saw it was all the dead trees that had fallen into the water.  At first it appeared to be a continuous tangled mass of fallen trees sloping from the beach out into the water with their gnarly, up-turned roots fanning out into the air at one end and their dead bare branches spreading out into and below the water at the other.  Immediately behind them all along the beach there was a forest of tall living trees. 

I proceeded to explore this section of the beach and found that the fallen trees were very dense in some areas and more sporadic in others and that the whole thing continued on for quite some distance, but then ended as abruptly as it began.  From there on, the beach was wide open again with trees growing some distance back from the shoreline. 

I later learned that the trees in this area – fallen and standing – were Australian pines and were not native to the area.  They had been brought in many years ago and had since spread throughout the island crowding out the native vegetation in a lot of places.  The problem in this particular area was that these pines could not withstand the eroding effect of the waves and so they would eventually topple over when the sand and earth was washed away from their shallow roots.  Because there was no native vegetation here to resist the erosion, it was bound to steadily continue. 

I was surprised at the peace and solitude that was present back in this area of the beach.  It seemed that almost everyone walking and shelling along the beach turned back when they reached the fallen trees leaving the whole area within the trees quite secluded for the most part.  Deep within this area were several gaps in the fallen trees leaving some open beach and access to the water that was completely unobstructed but yet shielded from view until you were almost right there upon it.

These areas became my skinny-dipping spots.  When I got there, I’d slip out of my bikini bottom – my top was usually already off long before – and then wade out into the water, dive into a wave, and swim or bob in the waves to my heart’s content.  From out there in the water it was easy to spot someone coming from a long ways off as they slowly wandered through and around the fallen trees.  I could easily get back to the beach and be dressed long before they ever got close enough to know I was even there. 

It was surprising how long I could be by myself back in there without being interrupted by anyone else walking through the trees.  Even when I was on the beach, it was pretty easy to spot the movement of someone coming through the trees in plenty of time to get dressed.  My only worry was that I would get so distracted looking at shells that I’d forget to watch out for the other occasional shellers who might happen to be coming.  But that never happened and I spent a lot of time back in there enjoying the beach and the shells and the surroundings.  When the tide was just right, I could stand in the water and let the waves wash the shells past me.  If I was quick enough, I could grab one out of the water that would catch my eye as it went by.  I found some really pretty ones that way.  I enjoyed slowly shelling back and forth there along my own little beach. 

There were several times there on my beach that I noticed the pelicans sitting high up in the pine trees.  I guess that’s where they sleep.  They seemed so huge to be sitting on a branch and I noticed some of the branches really bending under their weight.  Another time I saw an osprey land in a tree very near me and sit there as it appeared to be taking a break from fishing.  And it was from here that I watched dolphins feeding one of the times that I saw them.  What a natural setting this was and I did my best to fit in accordingly.

Part of my beach day would consist of just chillin’ there at my base camp.  I always brought water and something to snack on with me so camp was a good place to just kick back and relax after I’d been on my feet roaming the beach for awhile.  It always felt good to stretch out on my towel and gaze up at the blue sky and watch the clouds chasing across it and feel the hot sun.  It usually made me feel sleepy and I had to struggle to stay awake sometimes. 

Since I was usually laying down and was quite a ways back from where the people walked along the shoreline, I figured it was pretty much OK to sunbathe without my top.  No one ever seemed to notice or at least no one ever paid any attention - except for once.  One afternoon I was laying there pretty much zoned out when I began to sense something – like someone was staring at me.  I raised my head and looked toward the shore and saw two women standing there looking straight at me.  These women were older and were talking to each other with stern disapproving looks on their faces as they continued to fix their gaze in my direction.  One of them was standing with her hands on her hips.  Both were wearing full one-piece suits and one had on a big long-sleeved shirt as a cover-up over that.  There was no one else around. 

Their disapproval of me not wearing a top was quite evident.  My first thought was to just put it back on until they passed on by, but then I thought, no, I’ve taken care to be out here away from everyone and I’ve done nothing to attract their attention (nor anyone else’s).  In fact, they had to have really been looking closely and with a critical eye to know I had no top on and they were now blatantly invading my space by continuing to stare and comment.  I resolved not to cave in to their intimidation and to just continue on the way I was, minding my own business.  Maybe they would take the hint and do the same.  It was time to turn over anyway. 

As I settled back down on my tummy, my last thought of the two women was, why would they be against me doing this?  I was simply exercising a simple freedom that they had probably felt prohibited or inhibited from enjoying all of their lives because of our society’s long-standing customs and traditions that are unfair and oppressive toward women.  It seemed to me that they of all people should be supportive or at the very least tolerant of me and others like me who are pushing back on these traditions a little bit so that all of us can gain the acceptance and liberty to exercise a few simple freedoms and equality.  And that was the last I thought of them. 

From some of the research that I had done about the island before getting there, I had learned that there was a particular area somewhere in the vicinity of what had become my favorite beach where people sometimes gathered for nude sunbathing (contrary to the No Nude Sunbathing signs).  I assumed that this most likely occurred only on weekends, but since this particular area turned out to be only a little bit beyond the other side of the fallen trees, I hiked up there each day anyway.  On the weekend, I took my backpack with my towel, water, etc. along with me thinking that if there was anyone there and if the situation seemed OK, I might want to try sunbathing there.

Then sure enough, one day as I came out from around the last group of trees and on to the open beach area, I could see a few people congregated in the distance where I hadn’t seen people gathered before.  As I continued on up the beach, I could see that they were nude even though they had some of their beach chairs arranged in sort of a circular protective formation.  As I came along the shore even with where they were (they were back from the water a little ways) I could see that the group consisted of several couples and a few extra guys and they all appeared to be older than me.  They were talking and laughing amongst themselves and seemed friendly enough so I felt like it would be OK to approach them.  I mustered up my courage, then turned and walked right up to them like I knew what I was doing.  To the group in general, I said something like, “Hi.  Is it OK to be nude here?”

One of the guys responded back with, “Sure, if you don’t get arrested.”

I thought he was joking and being sarcastic, but I would learn in just a few minutes that he was serious.  I asked if they would mind if I threw down my towel and sunbathed near by.  It was obvious that I was alone and so it was understood that I was asking if they would allow me to appear to be part of their group for personal safety reasons.  Several of them said it would be fine.  I had intended to move off away from them a little bit so as not to infringe on their space, but they seemed so friendly and open to conversation that I just decided to park it right next to them.  I slipped out of my suit and left it lying on the sand.  Then I opened my backpack to get out my towel and I spread it out and sat down. 

The women were quick to continue the conversation.  We introduced ourselves and they wanted to know where I was from and why was I by myself and all of those kinds of things.  Before long they knew all about me and were then telling me who they were and where they lived and all that.  I asked them if they came here often and where else they went just to get a sense of what it was like around here.  They said they used to come here often and that many more people used to come here, too, but then there was some sort of serious crime incident and it was erroneously blamed on the nude sunbathers.  That’s when the authorities and the residents of the island began to crack down on them to the point of harassment.  This area of the beach we were on was well away from the parking areas and the more convenient beach areas.  You had to walk a long ways to get here and they said the crime in question had occurred nowhere near where we were. 

I noticed that several of the guys were frequently looking up and down the beach as though they were keeping watch.  They said that if it looked like the authorities coming, we would all need to cover up quickly.  I said that I would do whatever they did.  They went on to say that any of us could be arrested for being nude here (a few actually had been) and that we could be charged with breach of peace and disorderly conduct.  As I looked at the people around me and observed how we were calmly and peacefully enjoying ourselves and how clean and uncluttered we were keeping the beach around us I was thinking just how totally the opposite of those charges was what was actually going on here.  How totally wrong those charges were!  How absurd!  We and the miniscule little out-of-the-way part of the beach we were on here should be the very model that the authorities and the residents would want followed on all the rest of the miles of public beaches here on the island.  When are people ever going to get it!

I hung out there with those nice people for quite awhile, but not all day.  I didn’t want to wear out my welcome, plus they had me kind of nervous about getting in trouble.  It’s one thing to do the things I do around home where I know the risks and quite another when I’m a stranger by myself in an unfamiliar place.  I thanked them all for letting me hang with them and said that I enjoyed meeting them all.  They said similar things.  Then I said good-bye, wished them luck in holding on to their beach, and headed on back the way I came.  It was fun spending that time with kindred spirits. 

Although I did my best to be on the beach as much as possible, there were quite a few rainy times that kept me off the beach and during those times I would get cleaned up and head out to tour and explore the island and check out the shops and things like that.  Most evenings, I went out to get something to eat.  One of the places that I found early on and returned to a couple of times because I liked it so much was this little grill and bar kind of place.  It was very casual as you might imagine and their seafood was so good!  It was usually later by the time I got there and things seemed to slow down and get quiet fairly early around the island.  Quite a few of the wait staff there were around my age and we sort of naturally struck up conversations.  After eating, I would move to the bar and just hang out for awhile talking to the people who worked there.  By that time of night, they seemed to have plenty of time to take care of their customers and still hang out and talk.  It was fun visiting with them. 

On my last night on the island, I went to a place where I’d read that they had live music.  This was a nice restaurant that had a bar way in the back and that was where the band was.  The band played reggae music and they were really good and fun to watch and listen to.  A couple of guys asked me to dance and that was fun, too, until one of them began to act like we were together for the evening.  I politely but firmly explained to him that I had a boyfriend back home and that I thought he should ask someone else to dance now.  He couldn’t seem to take the hint (actually, it was way more than a hint!) and I thought I was going to have to leave just to get away from him. 

That’s when I spotted a group of eight or so people – girls and guys - who appeared to be about my age sitting around a couple of tables they had pulled together.  They seemed to be having a good time hanging out together so I just decided to get up my nerve and go talk to them.  I approached a couple of the girls at one end of the table, explained my situation, and asked if I could hang out with them for a little while.  They said sure, pull up a chair if you can find one, so I did.  Everyone at the table was coming and going at different times so I didn’t meet everyone all at once, but the girls I had talked to initially immediately drew me into their conversation.  It turns out the whole group of them were all college tennis players who were going to be counselors and coaches at a series of tennis camps there in the area.  They were from all over the country and had never met each other before until earlier that day.  So the way it turned out, I was hardly at any more of a disadvantage than anyone else in the group and we quickly became friends. 

We were an energetic group.  We talked and laughed and joked around a lot.  We danced.  It was really a lot of fun.  I got to know several of the girls really well.  I wound up spending the rest of the evening with all of them.  We stayed late and I left when they did.  A couple of the guys were nice enough to walk me to my car which made me feel a lot more secure after what had happened earlier.  It was a fun evening and I was glad I was sort of forced into introducing myself to strangers because we ended up having a lot in common and we had a lot of fun. 

One of the things that I anticipated on the beach each day – especially starting about mid-afternoon – was experiencing an island sunset.  That was probably the one thing my parents had mentioned the most and so it had stuck in my mind. 

On the first couple of days I was there, it had clouded up about mid-afternoon, then the rains came, and it stayed cloudy the rest of the day.  Then one afternoon (and this was the afternoon that I had discovered what became my favorite beach), the usual weather pattern began with the clouds moving in and thunder in the distance.  When I looked out to sea and saw a big rain squall coming, I picked up my stuff to leave, but after I had crossed the footbridge and was passing the large restrooms on my way back to the parking lot, I decided to just duck in there and see if I could ride out the rain.  This was a fairly large permanent modern building that had plenty of room and it seemed safe enough. 

After about a half hour, the storm had passed and the rain had just about stopped when I left my shelter and headed back to the beach to resume my beach life.  A bit later as I was walking along looking down at shells and things, I noticed a cloud shadow swoop by and I glanced at the sky to see that the overcast was breaking up allowing the sun to peek through as the clouds blew across the sky.  I became absorbed in my activities again and it was only later that I realized that most of the clouds overhead were gone leaving only scattered clouds over in the west toward the horizon.  At this point it occurred to me that I just might get to see a sunset today.  It looked promising, but yet I knew the weather could certainly change again by then. 

Late in the afternoon, I was back at my little camp sitting on my towel and staring out to sea.  The sun had gone behind a narrow cloud bank that stretched across the sky parallel to the horizon and I was seriously thinking about leaving.  I was tired and hungry and feeling a little impatient.  That’s probably the same way I was back when I was here as a kid with my parents.  At about that moment, the bottom of the cloud bank began to glow – dimly at first, but then steadily brighter.  Then the sun began to peek out below it igniting a section of the clouds to a bright almost silvery shimmer.  As the sun continued to drop through and then below the clouds, the area of the sky and clouds that were affected by its rich and powerful light spread out and intensified in depth and breadth. 

As the sun dipped to kiss the horizon, the light that emanated from its fiery orange-red glow shot up through and onto the clouds and into the open sky beyond with breath-taking splendor.  It was as if the clouds were providing a scattered backdrop on which to collect, blend, and reflect all of the rich radiant colors.  As the sun continued to sink into the sea, the colors became even more intense and more amplified as the light radiated off of and through the clouds creating rays and beams that streaked out across the sky in all directions.  All of these magnificent hues of yellow, orange, purple, and magenta –so richly blended and so alive in the sky - seemed as though they must be reaching out into infinity.  I felt as though I were looking at something that began in front of me and then continued out into the heavens forever. 

I felt overwhelmed at the beauty of God’s creation filling the sky before me with glorious color and texture while at the same time sending a single beam of orange reflecting across the open water to the shore right in front of me.  As I sat there on my towel hugging my knees that were pulled up nearly to my chin, I felt the tears streaming down my face as I thought about my parents and thought about what they had said about these sunsets and I now knew it was no exaggeration what they had said – this sunset was like no other I had ever seen.  No wonder they couldn’t stop talking about it.  No wonder they had wanted to come back here.  This was magnificent!  This was truly awesome!  And then I realized that for me to feel this way about it, too – the same way they had - was a sort of connection with them.  It was a confirmation that even though I had been separated from them for all this time and I was now an adult, I was still of them and they were in me.  This realization was just one more proof to me – solid proof - that I had many of the same thoughts, the same values, and the same appreciations that they had.  That made me happy.  It added to my sense of peace and security and heritage and identity.  It was something else that I could claim as having in common with my mom and dad.  Yes, I was of them and they were in me, but how I missed them.

I had the privilege of experiencing several more of those sunsets during my week on the island and each time it brought back these same feelings – good feelings – feelings of confidence and connectedness and knowing who I am.  It’s not like I was lacking those feelings before, but now they just seemed a little more firm – a little more solid within me.  That wasn’t what I was expecting to find when the idea to make this journey first popped into my head, but then again as I said before, the reason to come wasn’t at all clear to me at the time.  It just seemed like something I should do and now I’m so glad I did. 

My week on the island came to an end all too soon – well, kind of.  Don’t get me wrong - I had a great time on the island and was so very glad I came, but I missed my boyfriend something awful.  He had really worked his way into my heart and it hurt to be so far away from him for so long.  Sure, we talked on the phone a few times, but that’s just not the same as being together. 

I’m glad I wound up making this trip alone rather than with a girlfriend or two because it proved to be an important time of reflection, introspection, self-discovery, and connecting past memories with present realities.  And on top of that, I proved to myself that not only could I make my way around just fine by myself, I was comfortable enough with it to go out on my own to explore and do things and meet people and have fun.  Go me. 

During the whole time I was there, I never did figure out anything about where we (my parents and I) had stayed or been or what we had done way back when.  Nothing ever did jump out at me as being at all familiar.  I suppose that was because of things changing and me not having paid much attention to start with.  But I felt like I really did connect with the island and the community while I was there.  It had a good feel to me.  It felt like a good fit.  I definitely want to go back.

However, nothing about my trip came anywhere close to being as nice as when I walked into the gate area back at my home airport and saw the guy I love standing out there waiting and watching for me and then seeing him smile and wave once he spotted me.  That smile - what a beautiful sight!  As soon as I could make my way through the gate, I rushed up to him and without a word, dropped my carry-on, wrapped my arms around him, and held him close.  I felt his strong arms close around me.  Then I felt his warm lips on mine and I held him like I was never going to let go.  It was so good to be home.  M-m-m-m…so good!

I’m SunnyDay and that’s my story – well, another part of it anyway.