By Karen

Part 1

People have asked me how I got interested in nudism and what it was like the first time I tried it so I decided to just write it down for anybody that wants to read it. I tend to think of my first time as happening in two parts. The first was just me and another person at her place. The second was a week later with a group of her and her husband’s friends, again at her place. So I’m writing this in two parts accordingly.

I decided to use a list of questions from SunnyDay’s site that she gives to people to help them organize their thoughts when writing about their first time experience. Here are the questions.

1. What made you want to try nude recreation?

2. What (if anything) was holding you back or causing you misgivings? Why?

3. What finally prompted you to take action?

4. Tell us a little about your first experience. Where was it? Who was it with? What was it like?

5. In what ways did your first experience live up to your expectations?

6. Was there anything about it that you weren’t expecting that surprised you (positive or negative)?

7. What advice would you give others who are still thinking about trying it but haven’t yet taken action?

8. And if it’s been a while since your first time and you’re looking back and writing about it retrospectively, how has your outlook, attitude, and perspective changed over time (if at all)?

The last question doesn’t really apply to me so I won’t address that one.

So here goes Part 1.

1. What made you want to try nude recreation?

2. What (if anything) was holding you back or causing you misgivings? Why?

I suppose it was the typical misgivings that most women have. I felt it would open me up to vulnerabilities that were just too fearful and deep-seated to overcome. Society expects perfect looks, perfect body. If you don’t have it, you hide it and try to fool people into thinking you do, at least the best you can. But you for sure don’t let the truth be known. There’s no hiding imperfections and inferiorities (real or perceived) when you’re naked. Plus, when you’ve lived your whole life thinking that nudity with anyone else is for sex, then that opens up another set of vulnerabilities that I knew I couldn’t face, even though I had read over and over again that nudism wasn’t about sex. Fear, insecurity, self-doubt – too much of all those things – and believe me, they were deep-seated - had me thinking no way ever. Never. Ever. Not me. I’m flawed. I’m insecure. I’m vulnerable. The idea of me participating in nudism was not on my radar screen as a possibility at all.

3. What finally prompted you to take action?

I think it was a gradual progression of several things. First, the people on SunnyDay’s message board were so nice. On most forums, there are rude people and anything you say gets flamed by them. Not so on Sunny’s message board. Everyone was nice. They seemed to care. If I asked a question, no matter how dumb it was, they answered with kindness and genuine interest. They really seemed to want to help. I took some of their advice on making friends and it worked for me. Of course, some of them suggested I try nudism, but I was still in a no-way-no-how frame of mind on that one. But Sunny never suggested that – she just answered my questions straight up and offered sincere advice. I really felt like she was my friend. Still do.

I probably would have left it at that, but then I found out about Nudist Clubhouse (NCH). I completed a profile on there, joined some groups, started getting e-mail, started sending and getting friend requests. I discovered nice people there, too. Then I got into the chat room on there, and that’s when I really felt welcome and accepted into a group of people. Even though I had stated in my NCH profile that I had never tried nudism and wasn’t sure I ever would, everyone welcomed and included me anyway. I felt genuinely accepted, just as I was. Brian, the owner of NCH even said that I was one of them just because I was there and participating. That really blew me away and I so needed and wanted that in my life.

I suddenly found myself starting to re-think my position on nudism. I was thinking that if these people were as nice in real life as they are on the Internet and if they would accept me so seemingly unconditionally, then maybe I could do this. In fact, maybe I SHOULD do this. If all this proved to be true, it would be worth getting outside my comfort zone in spite of all my fear and uncertainty if it would help me find the acceptance and friendship that I was missing. I struggled with all of that for awhile.

And then…I met Red. Not in real life – just through an interview I saw on Nudes in the News on Clothesfree.com. I was so taken by her open honesty and genuineness. I’ve really never met anyone that came across so like that and I was so impressed and I so wished I had those kinds of qualities. From just those few minutes that Brian interviewed her on the show, I felt like I had known her all my life. She came across as 100% purely the person that she truly is. Totally open - nothing hidden – nothing held back. I want so much to be like that. And I want people like that for my friends.

That was it. That’s when I decided for sure that I was going to get off the fence and try this. I had to. There was potentially so much more to gain than to lose. I had read all about it, people on Sunny’s site and NCH had told me all about it, but I knew the only way to know for sure was to actually experience it for myself. And that’s when I started taking steps to figure out the best way for me to do that.

4. Tell us a little about your first experience. Where was it? Who was it with? What was it like?

I knew I was in this by myself. No S/O, hardly any friends to begin with and none that I would dare even tell about it. It was just me; scared little me. Safety was a concern. There are no public places available to me – certainly no nude beaches here in the heartland. So I looked up the clubs and resorts in my area. My first goal was not just to find out everything I could about them, but also to get a contact – another woman – that I could talk to at length and ask all my dumb questions and possibly even meet there when I went. The thought of just walking into someplace alone and not knowing anyone was terrifying to me, so getting a contact, a connection, someone to talk with, was a must. Timing was also important. I held off until warm weather to begin making my contacts so that when I found a place and everything seemed right I could just do it and do it quickly without a lot of time to think and worry and chicken out.

But I shouldn’t have waited. It all took longer than I expected. Not the actual contact with places. That was easy enough. The problem was getting them to put me in contact with someone to talk with. To me, that didn’t seem like it should be so hard, but apparently it was. Finally, when I contacted the place that was the farthest away and last on my list, the man I talked to seemed genuinely interested in helping. He asked me a few questions and where I was, and then said he knew someone that would be good for me to talk to and that he would get back to me after he touched base with them about it. Next thing I knew he was giving me a phone number of a lady and her husband in my area and couldn’t seem to say enough nice things about them. He said that she said to tell me to call anytime and she would answer any questions I had “and then some”. Now I was getting somewhere.

It took me a couple days to work up the nerve to call. I listed all my questions and went over them again and again, but it was just a delay tactic. Nerves – why do they always get in the way? I finally forced myself to make the call one evening, hoping no one would pick up. Fortunately for me, there was an answer and it wasn’t even half a minute before I was completely at ease talking to this person. Her name was Jeanne. She was definitely an “and then some” kind of person. I would ask a question, she would answer, and next thing I knew, we were way off talking about something else. She told me all about herself and her husband and their life stories. She was interested in knowing all about me. She asked a lot of questions and listened to everything I had to say. No judgments, no expectations, just complete acceptance of me for me. How I needed that!

We talked an hour, maybe more. She invited me to call again, to talk about anything, not just my questions about nudism. So I did in a couple days and we talked at length again. Even though she and her husband are in their fifties, I felt a real friendship connection in spite of our age difference. It was great. Another day or two and she called me and asked if I’d like to meet her and her husband for dinner. I said sure. It was a casual place they often go for the special on a certain night, and so we met and talked face-to-face for a good long time beyond the meal. We had some great conversation, about a variety of things, not just nudism. So far, what I had been told by my Internet friends was right: the first two nudists that I met were really nice people.

I called a few days later to thank her again for dinner and just to chat. That’s when she told me they were going to have a get together of many of their nudist friends over the July Fourth weekend at their place and that I was invited to join them. They live in the country on some acreage that has a lot of privacy and a small lake. She said it was just a big picnic at their place – like any other picnic I’d ever been to, except that most if not all would be nude. She said it was completely up to me, no pressure – it wouldn’t be my one and only chance, and that if I did come it would be fine if I remained clothed if I wanted. No one would mind either way. I said I’d think about it and that’s how we left it.

Wow – here was my first opportunity. And I wouldn’t even have to drive for hours on end to a resort. I had no excuses, but still I was paralyzed with fear and doubt. A few days went by and she called me to talk and see if I had any more questions. During the conversation she told me she was calling to make sure she hadn’t scared me off. I guess she could sense my hesitation. But there was never a time from the first minute of our first phone call that I ever felt any pressure, manipulation, or conditional friendship based on my joining them in nudism. I truly sensed that even if I decided I was never going to try nudism we would still be friends. I assured her that I wasn’t scared off – just scared. She said she understood and then suggested that I could come out to their place that weekend for a visit if I wanted. This was the weekend prior to the July 4 weekend. Her husband was going to be gone on a fishing trip for the day and it would be just us gals and that would give me a chance to see their place first and have a little familiarity with it ahead of time. That seemed like a good idea to me – they had told me so much about their place and I really wanted to see it.

So that’s what I did. I found their place with no problem. She greeted me at the door clothed and then proceeded to show me their home. It was very beautiful – open, light, airy, peaceful - and she was a very gracious hostess, welcoming me and making me feel at home. The view out back was equally beautiful – a slight downhill view that led to a small lake and then trees up the hillside beyond that. We stepped out the back, walked across their spacious patio and then down the path toward the lake. There was a gazebo down there. She explained that this is where they had their picnics and told me all about that. Then she showed me how their property was completely out of view of the road out front and that the hills and trees made the whole area completely isolated from any of the distant neighbors. It truly was idyllic – very quiet and peaceful. Better than a park.

We went into the gazebo and sat and talked a bit more. Then she asked me if I would be comfortable if she undressed. She told me to be perfectly honest. I told her no problem and that it was fine. The fact was, I was not surprised and was kind of expecting it. She had mentioned this on the phone and had also mentioned that I might want to give private nude sunbathing a test drive while I was here. Also, when I arrived she was wearing a sarong and I assumed minimal or nothing underneath. With my assurance that I was not the least alarmed by the idea, she undid the sarong, opened it and laid it over the sides and back of the chair without even getting up. I had wondered if she did decide to get undressed how I would not act awkward or where I would look while she undressed, but this was a complete non-event. It was like she was completely dressed and a second later she was completely nude – all without getting up or going through a process of removing clothing. The surprising part was that I didn’t feel the least bit awkward. And she was so nonchalant and just continued on as though this was the most completely normal thing in the world, which it was for her and I think that led me to quickly think the same way. No shock. No surprise. It was like my brain was registering that hey, I already knew about this and now here it is, so no big deal. Normal.

We continued to talk like that for a while. Then she asked if I’d like to go down to the dock or maybe walk along the edge of the lake. That seemed like a good idea to me. The second we got up I could tell that she intended to leave her sarong right where it was. And in fact, during the time that we were talking like this, it crossed my mind that this would be the perfect time for me to try going nude outdoors. Now that I was out here and could really see how safe it was and how casual and easy she made it seem, I was convinced that nervous or not, this WAS the perfect opportunity to try this. I mentioned that and she said she thought so, too. Looking back on it, she acted as though the whole thing was my idea – that I had thought of it on my own – but now I know she was thinking all along that I would no doubt want to try this since she had arranged for the perfect opportunity to present itself. And she was so good at putting me at ease. She said I could just leave my clothes there in the gazebo and join her on the dock. Then she turned and walked toward the dock leaving me alone to get undressed. There again, she knew the best way to put me at ease in what would have otherwise felt very awkward had she stayed there and waited on me.

As she walked down to the dock, I quickly undressed. I knew I needed to do it quickly so that I didn’t have any time to think or get even more nervous. This was all new and I just needed to do it – keep moving through the fear. I was nervous but I had enough confidence to keep moving because I had someone setting the example, leading the way. Just do what she did. I couldn’t have done this otherwise. As I stepped out of the gazebo, feeling the sun and breeze in places that had never felt that, I was so acutely aware that I was naked. What was I doing! I felt so vulnerable, so exposed, yet at the same time was aware of these new sensations. I just kept putting one barefoot in front of the other and thinking, I can do this, I want to do this, now’s my chance.

I walked out on the dock where she was, walked up cautiously beside her. We stood there looking at the water and talking. She was calm and reassuring. She mentioned to me all the things I was probably feeling and she was right. I felt exposed and vulnerable and unsure of what I was doing and how I looked. I was fighting the urge to cross my arms or otherwise try to cover and the awkwardness that goes with that. So when she acknowledged all those feelings, it assured me that what I was feeling was completely normal doing this for the first time. That helped a lot to have someone right there empathizing with me. She just kept up the calm conversation; no pressure, no expectation, no judging. Just accepting me right there in the moment just as I was. I felt accepted in a new sort of way. Like I was being totally open physically which was leading to being totally open personally and emotionally. We talked a lot about that and she assured me that that was a normal discovery – most especially for women; that it was one of those things you can’t really describe to someone; they have to experience it for themselves. She said there was a lot of depth to that and that I’d probably experience it even more as time went on, meaning that I would be more sensitive to that once the nerves were out of the way.

Then she suggested we walk along the shore and talk a while. So we came back off the dock and started walking along the grass next to the water. They keep it mowed along there and the grass felt good under my feet. We talked about that. And then she began to tell me about the get together they were hosting the next weekend, what that would be like, and what I could expect. I asked questions, she provided answers that went way beyond what I had asked, but that was what I needed to hear. I can be a little over-analytical at times so it was good that she was giving me lots of information rather leaving it to me to fill in the gaps by guessing and probably heading down the wrong path.

The interesting thing that I first picked up on during our time together out there that day - although thinking back I realized it had been in their conversations from the beginning – was that most of their talking was about the people they knew and the friendships they had, and not so much about just nudism, at least not how I used to think of it. It tied back to that discovery of openness and trust and truly being yourself and not being afraid of letting others see that. I mentioned that and she just smiled and assured me that I was really getting it – really getting a sense of what this is all about for most people.

The interesting thing was that as we really got into our conversation, I became less and less nervous and fearful. I can’t say that I was completely at ease, but the acute part of my fear and nervousness was gone. I no longer felt that people where going to suddenly appear out of nowhere and embarrass or hurt me. So that was a sense of progress I thought about out there.

We walked back to the gazebo and sat and talked there for a long, long time. I really sensed our friendship deepening and I was grateful for that. I realized that she was not just a friend, but a mentor as well. And I certainly needed both and it was a big help to have both wrapped up in one person. We talked about everything. I felt comfortable talking with her about things I never told anyone else and it felt good to verbalize some of those thoughts and feelings with someone.

5. In what ways did your first experience live up to your expectations?

I’m sure you picked up on a lot of the positives already as you read through the above. I had the confidence to go through with it despite my nerves because of my friend and mentor leading the way. I felt safe despite my vulnerability. I quickly came to appreciate the feel of the outdoors: the sun, the air, walking barefoot on the grass. In short, I liked it. And by the time it was time to go, I knew for sure that I wanted to come to their get together the next weekend and she again assured me that I was more than welcome and that she was sure I would have a great time. We talked about that a little more as we walked back to the house. It was a great afternoon. I got past a lot of fear and doubt. I know that because I walked back up to their house nude – I wanted to put off getting dressed as long as possible.

6. Was there anything about it that you weren’t expecting that surprised you (positive or negative)?

I was surprised at how normal and natural it seemed when Jeanne disrobed. I expected awkwardness as well as emotional and mental discomfort for both of us. It wasn’t like that. She was graceful and uncomplicated about it. It just happened so smoothly, so naturally, out of who she was. No shock, no surprise. She was like, hey, this is the way I want to be and you’re free to be how you want to be. It need not be the same. I’m comfortable with your choice. Please be comfortable with mine; I am; and in the end we’re still friends either way. I saw an openness and a trust; a person willing and confident to allow herself to be known. When I saw that demonstrated before me and when I put that together with all that I’d been told, that’s what compelled me to want to try it, too. I still felt very unsure of myself, but I did feel sure I was in safe hands and therefore, it was safe to try. It also felt safe to fail or to change my mind.

I didn’t expect to feel so able to go through with it. But with my friend demonstrating the example, I found the courage to proceed and feel safe about it. I could just do it. I wasn’t paralyzed or preoccupied with fear, so I could be aware of all the new sensations and I could comprehend and carry on a conversation about what we were doing. And I could comprehend her acceptance of me when I felt so vulnerable, exposed, inferior and unacceptable. I was standing completely naked out on a dock in the middle of a lake in the middle of the day with another person – another person who thought I was just fine just the way I was and for who I was. I never would have thought that could happen.

Also, I didn’t expect the link between physical openness and emotional and personal openness. In other words, a much deeper level of trust.

7. What advice would you give others who are still thinking about trying it but haven’t yet taken action?

I would advise you to find a way to meet someone who can and wants to explain all of this to you. Not everyone needs that, but I did. I could not have done it otherwise. I could not have gotten past all of the previously held beliefs and conditioning I’ve been exposed to all my life. The idea of being naked just socially with anyone else was not something that had ever entered my mind. However, being naked (open) emotionally and allowing someone else to really know me as a person was on my mind and it terrified me. I knew I needed that in my life, but I just never thought that anyone could really like me if they really knew me. But this is what I began to discover when I started investigating nudism. I wasn’t looking for it there – not really – but that’s what I began to see.

So if you’re interested, start looking. Use the Internet, use the phone, whatever it takes, but get off the fence and do something no how matter how small it may seem. One thing leads to another if you just keep moving. One step at a time, but keep looking ahead and planning the next step.

Please read what I wrote about the picnic the following weekend in Part 2.

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