By Karen

Part 2

This part picks up a week later when I went to the picnic Jeanne and her husband were having on the July Fourth weekend. This could probably be considered an extension of my first time since this was my first time in a large group. Again, I’m using SunnyDay’s questions to help me stay on track.

1. What made you want to try nude recreation?

In addition to what I stated in Part 1, I now had a taste of what to expect and this just confirmed my desire to try it further. Being nude outdoors in a safe place was so awesome. I loved it! And being with my friend there at her place with her leading by example and explaining everything and listening to all my questions, thoughts, concerns, and feelings about it was great. I knew I could totally trust her. It was the ideal situation for me and I truly did look forward to it all week. But at the same time…

2. What (if anything) was holding you back or causing you misgivings? Why?

…I was also terrified at the thought of doing this in a group of total strangers. Aside from my hosts, I wouldn’t know anyone. Not a soul. My friend had mentioned in passing that I would be one of the youngest, if not the youngest adult there, and I would be the only single person. I’m kind of quiet and not the most outgoing person under any circumstances, but now at a nudist gathering? With mostly complete strangers?! I was terrified and my mind just kept churning up all these goofy scenarios about how I would stand out and somehow not fit in. Stuff like: everyone else is older; everyone else is married; if I stay dressed, I won’t fit in; if I get undressed, I’ll be so embarrassed and I’ll make a fool of myself or there will be something about me that everyone will secretly notice and not like me for.

I grew up thinking that my body was dirty and evil and should never be unclothed other than when absolutely necessary. It should always be covered, even when you’re alone so that there could never be even the slightest chance that someone else could ever see you undressed. That, I always believed, was the absolute worst thing that could ever happen in terms of embarrassment and humiliation – to be caught naked. And as an adult I had always felt my body was so flawed and inferior to everyone else in every way imaginable. Combine that with the constant criticism (and more) from my ex and you can see I was pretty messed up regarding self-image and self-esteem. All this based on what, I don’t know – I had really never been around hardly any nakedness.

And then I thought, what about the other women? Us gals always notice what each other is wearing and look like and form opinions about all that. How will that work if I’m naked? What will they be looking at? And what will they be thinking? I’ve always felt so inferior in so many ways. What’s going to happen with all that?

And what about kids? Kids are natural nudists. I believe that. But adults usually aren’t naked with kids. How does that work? How do I relate to them? Or do I?

And then what about the men? Men who are naked! And me naked!! Me naked with naked men!!! Men and women are only naked together for one thing, right? Not when they’re nudists, I’m told. Nudity does not equal sex in a nudist setting, I’m told. Ok, I’ve heard that and I guess I believe it, but that’s not how it’s ever been for me before. How am I going to feel? Will I feel too vulnerable and not be able to interact? Will they be checking me out? I know they’re not supposed to, but what will I do if they do anyway? How’s that going to feel? Will they be secretly critical of me? I can’t bear any more of that! Wait - will I be checking them out? No, I won’t. But what if I do? I won’t, but where do I look so I won’t look, you know, down there? What if it just happens and I can’t help it? I’ll feel so embarrassed, so foolish!

On and on my mind would race all over the place like that until I would finally tell it to just shut up and wait for the facts. The facts would only come from the experience, and I knew I was going to go through with the experience because…

3. What finally prompted you to take action?

…this was the perfect opportunity for me to try this. It couldn’t have been designed any better even if I’d tried. Such a sweet deal. Starting out, all I had asked for was someone to talk to and ask a few questions. And what I got was a new friend, a mentor, someone who genuinely seemed to care and wanted to share with me something she greatly enjoyed, someone I could trust, someone who already had a lot of friends and was bringing me into her world in a way that would be as comfortable and easy for me as it could ever possibly be. All I had to do was just keep putting one foot in front of the other and step through the door that was being held open for me. Just go with the flow. So when the day finally came…

4. Tell us a little about your first experience. Where was it? Who was it with? What was it like?

…I was filled with both excitement and nervousness at the same time. I woke up early, couldn’t go back to sleep, went out for a long walk, did a bunch of chores around my apartment, yada-yada, all to try to fill the time and keep my mind occupied until late morning when it was time to go. My friend had suggested it might be easier if I got there when there were already at least a few others there and so as I got out to their place, there were a number of cars already parked out front with another car pulling in ahead of me. As I got out of my car and was gathering my things to take in, the occupants of the other car were piling out. It was a family - a couple that was around my age with their three kids. They were trying to keep tabs on the kids and gather all their stuff for the picnic and for their kids. They had their hands full for sure. I said hello and asked if I could help. In the midst of all that we introduced ourselves and I helped them carry some things. They were friendly and seemed like a typical family. Everything seemed normal.

As we got up to the house, I started juggling things around in an effort to try to ring the doorbell but they said to just go on in; that’s how it’s done at these things, so that’s what we did. As we walked through toward the back of the house, Jeanne appeared and greeted us all. She was nude; we were not, but everyone seemed fine with how we all were. She invited us all to come on in and helped with what we were carrying. Then the mom, her name was Marie, asked her husband to take the kids and everything and go on out while she fixed what she had brought for the picnic.

As Marie and I and Jeanne went into the kitchen, Marie explained that she had started to fix what she was bringing that morning, but discovered she didn’t have everything she needed so they had stopped at the grocery store on the way and now she needed to finish fixing it. Jeanne told her not to worry about it and to just make herself at home in her kitchen. I asked Marie if I could help and she took me up on it. So she and I went to work. Jeanne went on outside. A few more people arrived and came through the house on their way out back. People were getting undressed in the back room or out on the patio, but I really couldn’t see any of that. As we worked in there in the kitchen, Marie and I talked and talked. Actually, she did most of the talking. She was very friendly and outgoing and I felt like I really got to know her in a short time. A couple of times someone came into the kitchen for something or other, and they were nude, but I didn’t find that shocking or disturbing. I suppose that was partly due to the fact that I was so busy helping Marie and talking with her.

Anyway, time flew by and we finished getting her stuff ready. She again remarked about being so disorganized and said that we’d better get out there. We immediately headed out the back and then stopped on the patio and started getting undressed. If Marie knew I was brand new to all this, she didn’t let on. She just kept talking to me as she undressed. I realized this was very much a go-with-the-flow moment, so that’s what I did. We both undressed right out there in the open like it was completely normal – like we had both done this countless times, which of course, she had and I just acted like I had by doing what she did. During that time, one of Marie’s kids came running up – his dad had sent him to see if we needed any help. I had a tote with my towel, sunscreen, etc., in addition to the food I was bringing out so Marie told him to take my tote for me. He took that and headed back down to the lake. Marie and I finished undressing and left our clothes on a bench there on the patio. So far everything seemed reasonably normal and I felt OK. I wasn’t nervous; I felt acceptable and accepted, like I was fitting in, at least as far as Marie and Jeanne were concerned.

We picked up our stuff and started off down toward the lake, talking as we went. As we got closer to the group, Marie began to tell me about some of the people she was seeing up ahead in the group, saying nice things about them or why she liked them or that I should be sure to talk to this person or that person. For the first time I could see how big the group was and that people were in and around the gazebo, along the lake, on the dock, a few were swimming. Nearly everyone was nude and even though that didn’t surprise me of course, with each step that brought us closer to the group, my nerves kicked in a little more. Marie continued talking but her voice just faded off into the background as my panicky thoughts came to the foreground. It wasn’t that everybody was naked – it was that *I* was naked. Me! Inferior, insecure, introverted Karen was stark, totally exposed, everything out there, no place to hide, naked. And everyone would see me and all my faults and there was nothing I could do about it. Marie’s son had taken my towel, so I didn’t have that. Even my hands were occupied with the dish I was carrying, so I couldn’t even cover myself that way. But I didn’t dare say anything to Marie. I just kept trying not to freeze up; trying not to turn and run; trying to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Step, step, step. In desperation I was thinking, maybe no one would notice me. Maybe I’ll just blend in and somehow be invisible to everyone.

But as we got to the gazebo, Marie spoke up and said, hey everybody, this is Karen. She’s new here so say hi and introduce yourself and make her feel welcome. Immediately all eyes were on me, the new girl, the naked girl desperately looking for a place to set down her dish so she could – do what? I was now in the midst of it all. Surrounded. I just tried to say a quiet hello to the group and smile and say hi to people as they spoke to me. I’m sure I reacted with signs of embarrassment, but what could I do?

Then Jeanne, our hostess came over and rescued me. At least that’s how it seems to me now looking back on it. She took my dish and found a place for it. Asked me how I was doing. Walked me out of the midst of the group and we just chatted a few minutes. She said I was doing great, that it was OK to feel nervous, and gave me other encouragement as I stood there, my arms crossed, my back to the group, trying to calm myself down. She said she was sorry that Marie had made that big introduction and that she had not planned on anything like that happening. She said she had planned to keep it low key for my sake. I said it was OK and that I knew Marie meant well and that I really enjoyed meeting her. I kept saying I’ll be OK; I’ll be OK. I wanted to be OK, but I wasn’t there yet. Then her husband came over and the three of us talked. He was nude but he acted exactly like he always had before – friendly, jovial, reassuring. That helped - it didn’t freak me out at all to be talking with a naked man, because other than the nakedness there was no difference. He was still the exact same person I already knew.

As we stood there, another one of Marie’s kids came running over. She wanted to talk to me. She was five at the time. I knelt down to talk with her; she wanted to show me one of her toys and tell me about it. Then just as quickly she said ‘bye and ran off to show somebody else. We talked about how cute she was and Jeanne went on to comment about the innocence of children and how we can learn from their example. Not that we can return to that innocence, but that we can re-learn to trust more and be more open with others and accepting – of others and ourselves. Her husband affirmed what she said and then said he hoped I’d see a lot of that here today. I said that I’d like that and that it would certainly be good for me. Then Jeanne said just to relax as much as I can and be open as much as I can. She said it gets easier as you go along. I said that I was already feeling better and that I was determined not to do the arm crossing thing any more today. They laughed as I held my arms down stiffly against my side in exaggeration and they told me not to worry, that everybody has seen that before and understands completely. Then she said again that if I have any questions or concerns or anything, just come to her. That was all the reminder I needed to know that I was in good hands; that this was for sure the perfect opportunity for me.

About that time someone in the gazebo called for her and she invited me to come with her to meet that person. I went with her and things began getting easier from then on. Everyone I met was friendly, accepting, positive, and likeable. There was none of the judging going on that I had feared. They were pretty much all just as open, honest, and genuine as Jeanne. So many names to remember and trying to remember who belonged with who. Everyone genuinely seemed to like each other and there was lots of interaction and laughing. This was nothing like anything I was experiencing anyplace else in my life at the time. I soon began feeling more comfortable with the whole situation. It was gradual, but steady. I continued to go with the flow. That was easy.

5. In what ways did your first experience live up to your expectations?

Pretty much everything that everyone had told me about how this day would be turned out to be true, although not the part about forgetting I was nude – I was always aware of that but in a good way. But all of my fears that I mentioned earlier turned out to be false. The other women regardless of age were very welcoming, accepting and encouraging and I felt like we were all friends. And I quickly got used to the idea that men and women can be together like this just like they can in any clothed social setting. I spent quite a bit of time with my hosts and their close friends as well as with Marie and her husband. I mean, standing there talking with a married couple even though they’re both completely nude is totally just social. There’s nothing more to it than that. No sexual overtones or undertones. Just friends being friends – some male, some female – being the individuals we naturally are.

As the day went along, I came to realize that this was the most fun I had ever had at a picnic – any picnic – ever – even as a kid. So many fun things to do and so many nice people to do them with. Throw Frisbee, play horseshoes, lawn darts, swim in the lake, and one other outdoor game that I still don’t know the name of but was a lot harder to play than it looked. Everybody was having such a fun time. It was nonstop. I made a lot of new friends. A lot! And it was so easy! Everybody was so approachable.

Somehow, everyone seemed to know when it was getting time to leave and so everyone worked together to clean things up and return everything back to normal for our hosts. It was a community effort – everyone seemed to know what needed to be done and worked together to get it done. Gathering trash and taking it back for disposal, putting away tables, chairs, coolers, picking up the games. And just like the week before, I didn’t want it to end. In fact I made it a point to put off getting dressed until the last possible moment. That’s how full circle I had come. I couldn’t (and can’t) thank my friends enough for everything they have done for me. They are such awesome people.

6. Was there anything about it that you weren’t expecting that surprised you (positive or negative)?

Yes, there were a number of things. For one, I wasn’t expecting to find a best friend that day, but that’s what Marie and I have become. Even though we for the most part live in separate worlds, me being single and her married with kids and being a stay at home mom, we’re close to the same age and we fill a best friend role with each other. We talk a lot and get together every so often for a girls night and go to a movie or something. And I’ve gone out to baby sit for them a few times so that they could go out for an extended evening together without having to worry about the kids.

My friendship with my hosts has grown even closer. Yes, they’re older and we have what I’d call a friend / mentor kind of relationship all wrapped up into one, but it’s close and I’m so grateful for that. I’ve been out to their place a number times since then – sometimes just to hang out with just them or with them plus a few of their friends. They’re so accepting and so kind. And a few times I’ve gone out to help with some outdoor work and things like that. It’s fun for me and it’s a help to them so it’s good all around. We have a great friendship. And this sort of helped set an example for me to try to rebuild some closer ties with my parents and brothers.

Another thing: I didn’t expect to find that I’m pretty much normal. I know that sounds really, really dumb, but believe me, I was carrying a lot of baggage from my past as I came to this point in time. But on this day that I got to spend with all these great people – a lot of nice, normal people - I found myself observing (not staring) and it began to dawn on me that, yeah, ok, maybe I’m in there – maybe I do fit in – maybe I DO fall somewhere in the range of what is considered normal. And because I also found these people to be so nice and genuine, I found myself coming out of my shell quite a bit (literally and figuratively). I found it easy to talk, to speak up, to joke around a little. All of that had been lost to me for a long time. I don’t know why being nude has something to do with this – before, I would have assumed just the opposite – but it did and it has made a difference in a noticeable positive way.

On more thing: I’ve found that I can carry this new way of thinking and new attitude over into the rest of my world, too. People at work have since commented that I seem more outgoing and more laid back than I used to be. No, I’m not the life of the party or anything like that – that’ll never be me – but it’s easier now for me to carry on a conversation – even start one - and to let down my guard and laugh and have fun. I’m making more friends. I’m getting asked out more. I’m feeling a lot better about myself and others. This is good. I’m liking this!

7. What advice would you give others who are still thinking about trying it but haven’t yet taken action?

The only thing I can add to what I said about this in Part 1 is this: What are you waiting for! If you have any interest in nudism whatsoever, take the plunge. Just try it. It may or it may not be for you, but the best way to find that out for sure is just try it. It’s not the end of the world if it turns out it’s just not the thing for you – far from it. But if it IS, believe me, you’re not going to want to let even one more opportunity pass you by. I know, because that’s exactly how I feel now.

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