Have you ever found yourself in a position where you really needed to tell someone close to you that you’re a nudist but you were afraid? Afraid because you weren’t sure how they would take it, but yet you knew you had to tell them because someone else even closer to them was going to tell if you didn’t? Well that’s exactly the position I found myself in last fall (2000) shortly after school started. That someone was my best friend, Julie. That someone else was her new boyfriend, Jeff who I had introduced to nudism a few months earlier before Julie came into the picture! The longer I put off telling her, the worse the situation became and the more afraid I was. As you can probably guess, it didn’t take long for things to spiral way out of control. It eventually all worked out on a positive note, but it was a wild ride getting there. Here’s what happened. Hang on tight!

First, a little background. Julie and I have been friends since high school. She is a year younger than I am so we didn’t have any classes together, but we played sports together and then started hanging out together. After she graduated, she went on to college in another state, so I didn’t see much of her for about a year. Then she decided to transfer back here to the college in our hometown (the one I attend) after the end of her first year. During that summer, we spent a lot of time together and became closer friends than ever. She’s really a fun person – always happy, out-going, and a quick sense of humor. She’s always goofing around and keeps everyone around her in stitches.

I became acquainted with Jeff when he and I started college together. I say acquainted because although we had a few classes together during our first two years of college (it’s a small, private college), we really didn’t know each other or hang out together. I knew who he was, but that was about it. Then last year late in the spring semester (2000), by a quirky set of circumstances, I wound up getting him started in nudism in the place outside of town where I often go to sunbathe and hike nude. I wrote all about that in detail some time ago in a story on my site called "Discovering a Kindred Spirit". Sharing that common interest, we’ve been great friends ever since. It’s important to note that our relationship involved only friendship - there was never anything romantic going on with us.

Then one evening last summer when several of my friends and I were going out, I introduced Julie to Jeff. Jeff had gone back to his hometown for the summer, but was back in town for the day and had hunted me up. I invited him to join Julie, me, and another girl friend of mine to eat a bite before he had to drive back home that night. This day was also written up in detail in another story on my site called "A Surprise Encounter". Little did I know at the time that those two stories were actually leading up to something like this.

But anyway, Julie was immediately taken with Jeff. After he had gone, he was all she talked about the rest of the night. She wanted to know all about him and asked me several times if he and I "had anything going on". I assured her that we didn’t. I had seen Julie go nuts like this over guys before, so I didn’t really expect much of anything to come of it (I, of course have never done anything like that!) especially since it appeared that the attraction was only one-way. But when Jeff moved back to town the week before classes started, they ran into each other on campus and started spending time together. (They both lived on campus.) Then gradually as time progressed, they became a couple. I think Jeff was as surprised by this as I was. Now don’t get me wrong - I care deeply for my friends and I want the best for them and if they find happiness together in a romantic relationship, I’m all for it. I only remarked that I was surprised because they are so different personality-wise. She’s such a stark raving extrovert and he is more on the introverted side (like me). But I guess if it’s true that opposites attract, then they are a classic example of that. Maybe that’s why Julie and I are such good friends, too, come to think of it.

Jeff and I are both runners (Julie isn’t) and from the time Jeff got back in town, he and I would run together at least once a week and often times more. Julie knew about this and it wasn’t an issue because it started before they really became serious and it just continued even as their relationship began to develop. The complicating factor to all this was that Jeff and I would more often than not wind up hiking nude out in the pasture in the country where I had first introduced him to nudism. This was a purely innocent activity for us. We both simply loved to be nude outdoors and since we ran in the country anyway it was just in the natural course of events for us to switch from running to nude hiking for a while.

School had been underway for about a month when it began to dawn on me that as innocent as what Jeff and I were doing seemed to us, continuing to do it without Julie knowing about it was no longer a good idea. If their relationship was going to continue to develop (and it appeared to me that it was), then she needed to know about Jeff’s nudist inclination and activities. And if she was to learn about that, then to be completely open and honest, she needed to know about me, too, since he and I were in it together. I don’t normally share that information with my friends because most of them wouldn’t understand and I certainly wasn’t at all sure how Julie would take it either. But the bigger uncertainty was in how she would take it when she found out that Jeff and I had spent lots of time nude together. Julie had never been prone to jealousy or suspicion or anything like that before, but this situation was way different. If we didn’t handle it right, she could easily jump to the wrong conclusion and wind up being very hurt. I resolved to discuss all this with Jeff the next time the two of us were together.

In a few days on another one of those beautiful warm late September afternoons, Jeff and I went for a run with a nude hiking interlude. I know, I just said we should stop, but these were the only times we were ever together for any length of time since he and Julie had started going out. We had just reached the farthest point in our hike where we usually stopped to look back across the pasture. All afternoon I had been mulling over how to address with him the subject of telling Julie and I was about to say something about it when Jeff spoke first by saying, "You’re kind of quiet today."

"Oh, I was just thinking," I said as I came out of my thoughts and back into reality.

"Me, too," he said. "You know, Julie and I are getting kind of serious."

"I know," I said. "And I think you and I need to talk about…"

Jokingly, he interrupted me by saying, "Of course you know. I’m sure she tells you everything. You probably know more about us than I do."

I smiled at that and looked away for a second hoping I didn’t look embarrassed. It was true – Julie and I tell each other everything.

"Wait. Let me finish," I laughed and said in an effort to get back on the subject. Then getting serious again I continued, "I’m starting to think that maybe you and I hiking nude together isn’t such a good idea anymore."

"Yeah," he said. "I’ve been thinking the same thing. I’ve been struggling with how to tell Julie that I’m a nudist. I think she needs to know."

"She definitely needs to know," I replied in strong agreement. I shouldn’t have been surprised that Jeff was already thinking about discussing this with her. He’s one of the most considerate people I know.

"Part of my struggle is how to tell her about me without telling her about you," he said.

"I’ve thought about that, too. And since I’m the one that got you started and since we’ve continued hiking together since you and Julie met, I think it would probably be best if she knew about me, too," I said.

"That’s probably true. But how do you feel about that?" he asked.

"Scared," I said. "I’m just not sure how she’ll take it."

"I think she’ll be OK with it," he said. "Knowing about it, I mean. I don’t know if she would ever want to give it a try, though. What do you think?"

"I don’t know," I answered. "Let’s not worry about whether or not she wants to try it. Let’s just worry about telling her first. We need to get this out in the open."

I really was worried. I was not at all optimistic like Jeff. ‘Hey Julie, when your boyfriend and your very-best-friend-forever go running, they also do some cross-country hiking. Oh by the way, we do the hiking part nude. But we’re nudists so that’s OK with you, isn’t it?’ I don’t think so!

"How do you think I should go about telling her?" he then asked.

I felt so overwhelmed with the whole idea of breaking the news to Julie. Trying to weigh all of the possible ways to tell her and what her reactions might be boggled my mind. I answered, "Jeff, I honestly don’t know. I’m wondering if maybe I should be the one to tell her."

"I hadn’t thought about that," he replied. "Do you think that would make it easier for her?"

"I don’t know," I replied completely perplexed. "I don’t know if it should be me or you or both of us together or what. Let’s just hold off telling her for now. OK? Let’s both think about it and figure out the best approach. Then we’ll tell her and hope for the best."

"Well…OK," he said sounding uncertain. "If you think that’s best, but I really feel like I shouldn’t put it off much longer."

"Listen, I don’t like putting it off either," I replied strongly and in earnest. "But I think we really need to plan this out carefully. We don’t want her to jump to the wrong conclusion, you know."

"Oh. Yeah, that," he said. "But, I guess you’re right. Look, I didn’t mean to be pushy."

"It’s OK," I said. "Let’s just hold off a few days to think it through. We’ll make a plan. Then we’ll tell her."

"OK," he said.

Then as we started back, I said, "So, I guess we’d better hold off on hiking out here together until we see how this goes."

"Yeah," he said in a tone of voice that told me he would miss it just as much as I would.

Over the next few days, I often thought about how to go about telling Julie, but I wasn’t coming up with any approach that I had much confidence in. Even before Jeff came into the picture, I had considered telling her about my nudist proclivities simply because we were best friends, but then had reconsidered after thinking more about it. You see clothing and fashion have always been a very important part of her life. Don’t get me wrong - she doesn’t dress outlandishly or try to out class anybody or anything like that (she’s too nice for that), but she is very fashion conscience and likes to shop for new things often. Part of the reason for that is because her mom owns an upscale women’s clothing store down in the trendy shopping part of the city and Julie works there part time. Also, her father is a senior partner in a law firm. So both her mom and her dad are very style conscience and know all about using clothing as a means of expression and influence. She once told me that her dad’s law firm hired a consultant to come in to coach them on the most effective ways to use the type of clothing they wear and their appearance to influence others (clients, judges, juries, other attorneys, etc.). Given all that, I had just decided that not only was Julie an unlikely convert to nudism, she probably wouldn’t even be able to understand why I did it. So I never told her and up until now I had no plans to ever do so.

But now things were different; very different. I was happy for both Julie and Jeff and I hoped that their relationship would grow if that was what they wanted. But I knew that they needed to talk about Jeff’s ideas and practices of nudism and they ought to do it sooner rather than later. The fact that it involved me and that Julie was going to find out about me was fine given these new circumstances. My secret was the secondary issue now. In light of that, it didn’t really matter as much whether Julie understood my reasons or not although I hoped she would.

The main thing I was worried about was how she would take the fact that Jeff and I had been hiking and spending time together nude over the past several months including the recent time that he and she had started going out. As I said, it was a totally innocent activity for us, but I was afraid that she wouldn’t see it that way. My greatest fear was that she would jump to the same conclusion as most people – that nudity always equals sex and therefore, that I had betrayed her. I knew that there was a very real chance that the result of telling her would turn out this way and I wanted desperately to find a way that would avoid any and all misunderstandings.

The few days that Jeff and I had talked about using to come up with a plan soon turned into a week. Jeff and I hadn’t even talked during that time. The only time we were ever alone was when we ran together and we had avoided that activity. I think we both were afraid that the urge to spend some time hiking nude might be too hard to resist if we ran together out in the country like we had been doing.

The warm sunny fall afternoons (now in October) that we’d been having had been strongly beckoning me to the country, but my schedule had just been too busy. Finally, I had some free time one afternoon, so off to the country I ran with the intention of combining my daily run with some nude hiking. I reached the gate to the pasture, climbed over, and continued running the short distance through the grass to the trees. As soon as I was in the trees and out of sight of the road I stopped, peeled off my sweaty clothes, folded and rolled them for easy carrying, and proceeded on my way through the trees. It felt so good to be nude outdoors again. The thought of the cold weather that would soon come and force me to curtail my outdoor nude activity was almost unbearable.

I continued on through the trees and crossed the winding creek a couple of times until I reached the back half of the pasture. I climbed about halfway down the sloping creek bank to a very secluded level area where there was a bush that I usually hid my clothes under for safekeeping. I carefully pulled back the lowest stickery branch and to my surprise, there were some clothes already there – Jeff’s. I should have known he might be out here on a nice day like this. What to do now? Should I stay or should I go? As much as I hated to do it, I knew I should go so I let the branch fall back into place and climbed back up the creek bank. I turned to go back the way I had come when from somewhere behind me I heard, "Sunny!" For an instant I was startled, but at the same time I recognized the voice as Jeff’s. I turned around to see him coming through the trees. I walked back to meet him.

"Hey," I said. I was feeling embarrassed at the fact that we had agreed not to do this again, but even though it was unintentional, here we were.

"Great minds think alike, I guess," he replied with a smile. But despite his apparent confidence, I was sure he felt the same way I did.

"I saw your things and decided I probably shouldn’t stay," I said somewhat awkwardly.

"That’s what I figured when I saw you walking away," he replied. "But I was just coming back to get my stuff and go home so there’s no need for you to leave. We’ll take turns."

A moment of awkward silence passed and then I said in frustration, "Oh Jeff, this really struggles. Look at us – here we are avoiding the same old issues again. We worked so hard to get past this kind of thing last spring when we first started hiking out here together."

"That’s just what I was thinking," he said. "The real issue isn’t that we’re out here hiking together nude – it’s that we haven’t told Julie."

"Right," I said. "And that’s got to change. So since we’re both here and the damage is already done, we might as well talk about it now."

"Yeah," he said. "We can walk while we talk, if you want."

"OK. Let me stash my stuff with yours," I said as I turned to step down the creek bank again. I reached the bush, slipped off my shoes and socks, and put everything under the branch with Jeff’s shoes and running shorts.

I climbed back up the creek bank, rejoined Jeff, and we walked back out through the trees and into the open back half of the pasture. As we walked along side-by-side and talked about the situation, it seemed like all we were accomplishing was rehashing everything that we had talked about the last time we were here. We were making no progress. He kept saying that we should just tell her and everything would be OK. I kept saying that we’d better be very careful how we tell her or it wouldn’t be OK.

The conversation kept going back and forth like that and going nowhere when he suddenly stopped and said in exasperation, "Sunny, you don’t understand. You’re making this a lot harder than it needs to be. All you’ve got to do is tell her and I think she’ll understand. If you’re afraid then I’ll tell her. No big deal!"

My temper flared for just a second as I whirled to face him and said angrily, "No Jeff, you don’t understand! If either of us just throws this up in her face, she’ll for sure take it the wrong way and then everybody will be hurt!"

For a brief second I wanted to reach out and just shake some sense into him, but instead I managed to control my temper and said in a more reasonable and sincere tone, "Look, Jeff, if we’re not careful, she – like most people do – may very well jump to the conclusion that nudity always equals sex. And if she does that and then finds out that we’ve spent a lot of time together nude, how do you think she’ll feel?"

He answered with uncertainty, "Well, I can see how she might feel a little jealous or upset maybe, but..."

I cut him off abruptly by sharply saying, "No, Jeff! It’ll be a lot worse than that! She’ll feel betrayed – betrayed by both of us – her best friend and the guy she thinks the world of. And Jeff, that would just devastate her, don’t you see? We can’t let that happen to her." And then I added with determination as I turned to head back, "We just can’t!"

We kicked around ideas as we walked back and even after we had dressed near the road and were running back to town, but we didn’t come up with anything that seemed like it would work. As we parted, I apologized for letting my temper get away from me earlier and we both agreed that we needed to take a few more days to think and come up with a plan.

For the next few days, thoughts of how to talk with Julie about all this weighed on my mind a lot, but just like before, I wasn’t coming up with anything. Before I knew it a few days had turned into another week. Jeff and I had visited on campus a couple of brief times, but we still hadn’t come up with anything. We agreed to think on it a few more days, which turned into yet another week! Honestly, I’m normally not a procrastinator, but my fear over how this situation might turn out just had me immobilized. And now to make matters even worse, whenever I would be with Julie I always had this feeling of guilt nagging me. All these delays had to stop and action had to be taken – and soon! But what action? Nothing was clear to me.

And then…it all finally broke loose. It started very late on a Saturday night – actually it was about 1:30 a.m. on Sunday morning. I had been out on a date with a guy that was really nice and he had just dropped me off. I had gotten undressed, crawled into bed, turned out the lights and was just lying there thinking about how much fun we’d had. All those happy "what if" kind of thoughts that you have after a first date with someone you think you really like were running through my head.

Then the phone rang. I wondered if it was him. He said he’d call again, but I certainly wasn’t expecting it this soon. I reached over, picked up the phone, and answered. The caller simply said, "Hey, it’s me." I instantly recognized Jeff’s voice and I instantly knew from the tone of his voice that something was wrong...and I had a sinking feeling that I knew what it was.

"You told her," I said - a statement rather than a question.

"Yep," Jeff said flatly.

I could tell by the down tone in his voice that it didn’t go well. I didn’t know how to reply so I paused for a moment and before I could say anything, Jeff continued.

"I know we hadn’t decided that we’d tell her yet, but the timing…it just seemed right tonight. We’d been out earlier and then had come back to my place to hang out for a while. We were alone and she was being sort of quiet for a change. It just seemed like the right time. I guess it wasn’t though. She got so mad. I really messed up."

"Don’t be so hard on yourself," I said. "You were trying to do the right thing. She needed to know. We put it off too long as it was. That’s my fault. I’m the one that should feel bad. And I do. Very bad."

"It doesn’t matter whose fault it is," he said. "I’m just wondering what to do now."

"So what exactly happened?" I asked.

"At first she thought I was joking," he said. "But once she knew that I wasn’t, she just got real quiet and didn’t say anything. I told her everything and tried to explain it all."

"Did you tell her about me?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said followed by a long pause, which told me in no uncertain terms that that had been a major problem. "I was explaining to her about us and then she got really mad. She tried to leave and I stood in front of the door to block her. I kept trying to explain to her, but she wouldn’t listen. The longer I tried to keep her here, the madder she got and the louder she shouted at me. I’ve never seen her like that. It wasn’t pretty."

"Oh Jeff, I’m so sorry about all this," I said. "Where is she now?"

"I don’t know," he answered. "She stormed out of here and I haven’t been able to find her. She’s not in her room and she’s not answering her cell."

"I’ll try to call her," I said. "If I get her, I don’t know what I’ll say exactly, but I’ll talk to her and tell her I’m sorry and try my best to explain everything. I’ll let you know if we talk."

"I’ll keep trying, too," he said. "And I’ll let you know if I talk to her first."

"OK," I said and hung up.

Without waiting an instant, I speed-dialed Julie’s cell number. It rang without answer until it rolled to her voice mail. I left only a short message asking her to call me immediately and hung up. Now the waiting began. The more I thought about what had happened, the more I felt so angry with myself for not addressing the issue sooner. I didn’t know whether it would have turned out any better by not waiting, but at least I could have known that I was not guilty of putting it off too long and appearing like I had something to hide. I felt bad for Julie knowing how angry, hurt, and betrayed she must feel. I felt bad for Jeff knowing how worried and concerned he must be feeling. The longer I lay there and second-guessed myself about all these things, the worse I felt.

I have no idea how much time passed in this way, but it was a lot. Then all of a sudden I heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs and landing outside my door and then a sharp, fast knock on the door. I jumped out of bed, grabbed the nightshirt that I keep under my bed in case I need to put something on in a hurry, and pulled it on over my head as I hurried to the door. I peeked through the curtain on the door to see who was there. It was Julie! I turned on the kitchen light, unlocked the door, and opened it.

"Julie-come-in-we-need-to-talk," I said rapidly.

But Julie didn’t come in at first. She just stood there…glaring at me…for a moment that seemed like an eternity. Then she looked straight ahead and walked straight in without saying anything.

As I closed the door and followed her in, I said, "Listen, Julie, I talked to Jeff and he told me what happened."

She was still silent and was staring at the floor. By now I was standing in front of her, but it was as if I wasn’t even there – like she was ignoring me.

"Julie. I’m sorry. Let me explain," I pleaded. Then suddenly she looked up and locked her eyes with mine. She was breathing fast and her anger was so evident. Actually, she was beyond angry. She was seething. And it was all focused on me. I felt my stomach instantly clench into a tight knot as I realized the extent of her hurt and anger.

I tried to explain again by pleading, "Julie…I can explain…it’s not what you think…"

Then suddenly she interrupted me and the floodgates opened. She poured out all her thoughts and feelings. I won’t try to reconstruct what all she said. It was just awful – not that I didn’t deserve it – and neither of us wants to remember it now. She told me in no uncertain terms what she believed that Jeff and I had done and what she thought of me because of it. She thought that Jeff and I had deliberately and secretly conspired against her and betrayed her. It was so hard to just stand there and take it because it was all so untrue and yet at the same time I could understand why she felt the way she did. At first she was talking low and slowly, but soon she was talking very loud and fast - almost frantically – and glaring angrily into my eyes all the while. I felt so intimidated and helpless. I tried to interrupt several times to explain, but there was no stopping her. Then just as suddenly as she began, she stopped, wheeled around, and stormed straight out the door pulling it closed behind her - like she was closing a door between us forever.

I knew there was no use going after her as I listened to her rapid steps descending the stairs and the sound of her car as she started it and sped away. I’d seen Julie when she was angry before although never like this and not because of me. The only thing to do was give her some time to cool off before trying to talk to her again. Even knowing this I still had such an awful feeling – like maybe this wouldn’t ever get resolved. Oh, I couldn’t bear that.

I recalled that even when I was growing up and would have little tiffs with my friends, deep down I always knew that eventually we’d work it out and put it behind us – sometimes within minutes. But this time was different. I wasn’t a kid anymore. And this was not a little tiff. This time, some very strong adult emotions were involved – emotions like love and jealousy. This time, I didn’t have that underlying feeling that everything would be OK. What if she never forgave me? What if she and Jeff broke up over this? I felt awful. I felt helpless. I felt guilty. Why can’t I be a little kid again? I’m not ready for this!

A feeling of utter despair seemed to wrap itself around me, suffocating me. I walked back into my dark bedroom, pulled off my nightshirt and threw it across the room in frustration. I dropped onto my bed and just lay there in the silence and darkness, helpless and resigned to what had just happened. As I lay there sprawled on my stomach, my feelings of despair and helplessness and hopelessness seemed to weigh heavier and heavier on my back pressing me down into my bed. What have I done? She’s my best friend and I couldn’t have hurt her any worse if I’d tried. Is our friendship over? Will she ever speak to me again? All those great times together – are they over? Forever? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? I hugged my pillow. I was startled by the sound of a loud sob and then instantly realized that it had come from me. And before long, I was crying and sobbing uncontrollably. I hadn’t felt this low and empty since…well, for a long time. I went on like this for what seemed like forever, but at some point after a long time I apparently cried myself to sleep.

The next thing I became aware of was vaguely hearing a voice - it sounded distant and yet close. For a moment, I continued to lie there unsure of whether I was awake or dreaming. The voice was softly and slowly saying, "Sunny, I’m sorry. Sunny, I’m sorry." I heard it repeated a number of times as though trying to awaken me without startling me. I don’t know how long I’d been asleep, but it hadn’t been too long. I gradually opened my eyes and found myself looking into the early morning sunlight shining in through my window. I was lying on my bed exactly as I had dropped onto it earlier.

By now, I knew that I wasn’t dreaming and that the voice was real and familiar. I raised my head and turned to look in the direction of the voice. It was Julie standing there looking down on me. She was still saying somberly, "Sunny, I’m sorry."

"Julie," I said sleepily to acknowledge her presence. I was still groggy and somewhat in disbelief that she was actually there. At first I wondered how she had gotten in, but then I realized I had forgotten to lock the door after she had stormed out. I rolled over and turned to sit on the edge of the bed. As I was pulling my hair back out of my face and trying to decide what to say, she sat down on the edge of the bed beside me.

After a silent moment, she said softly, "You’ve been crying."

"Yeah," I replied in the same way and then after a moment I looked at her and said, "You, too."

"Yeah," she said.

I think we were both testing the waters with each other. Then we both started to say something at the same time.

"No. Wait," Julie said. "Let me go first."

"OK."

"Last night when Jeff just out of the blue told me about him being a nudist, I was surprised and shocked and didn’t know what to think. And before I could get over that, he told me you were, too. And then when he told me it was you who got him started and that you two had been hiking together – you know, like…that - ever since, I was (pause) shocked and (pause) hurt and like so totally blown away.

"The more I thought about it and the more it sank in, the madder I got at him - and you. I really let him have it and then ran out. Then when I picked up your message, that just ticked me off even more and that’s when I came over here and – well, you know. By the time I left here, I was so furious I just wanted to get away from everybody so I just drove around town for a long time. I felt so devastated - so betrayed – so alone.

"But all the while, I kept thinking over and over to myself that I just can’t believe Jeff would lead me on like that and then sneak around with you. I mean, I just couldn’t believe that you, my best friend would sneak around with my boyfriend. I just couldn’t believe it. It was like I knew what I’d heard – or what I thought I’d heard, but it just didn’t add up.

"Anyway, by then I was crying so much I could hardly see to drive. So I found a quiet place and parked and sat there and thought things through. I just stayed there in my car the rest of the night. But sometime during all that, it finally dawned on me that the reason I couldn’t believe that you and Jeff would actually betray me like that is because (pause) you couldn’t and you wouldn’t – neither one of you – I know you both too well. So there must be some other explanation. At least (pause), I sure hope there is."

"That’s right, Julie, there is. I would never do anything like that and I know Jeff wouldn’t either."

"I realize that now. Sunny, I’m so sorry for all those awful, awful things I said last night. I was so wrong and I apologize."

"Oh, Julie, forget about that," I said. "I’m the one in the wrong. I should have told you about me long ago. But I didn’t and then when you and Jeff hooked up, one or the other of us should have told you about it then, but we didn’t do that either. And that’s all my fault and I’m sorry – so sorry. Please forgive me."

"Of course I forgive you," she said. "Can you forgive me?"

"Yes, of course!" I said. "The important thing is that we’re still friends and that we’re talking about it now."

"Yeah," she said with a sigh. "I just hope Jeff will talk to me again. I was so awful to him last night."

"He called me last night before you came. He’s terribly concerned and worried, but he’s not mad. He blames himself for hurting you."

"He’s sweet. I’ll go over there pretty soon and apologize. But first, Sunny, I’ve got to tell you - I don’t understand this nudist thing at all – with either one of you. What’s up with that?"

"I can explain," I said.

"OK, but first, do you have any coffee?" Julie asked.

"Come on. I’ll make some," I answered. We both got up and went to the kitchen. For an instant, it crossed my mind to put something on, but then just as quickly I decided against it. I don’t normally wear anything at home and Julie now knew I was a nudist and had questions about it, so I figured I might as well just be myself and actively demonstrate what I was about to try to explain.

Julie followed me into the kitchen and sat down at the table while I began making coffee.

Never one to mince words, she immediately began with the questions. "So…those couple of times in the past that I dropped by here and you weren’t dressed – I thought you were just getting ready to take a shower or were changing or something, but you weren’t, were you."

"No," I said. "I don’t usually wear anything when I’m home."

"But…don’t you feel uncomfortable or incomplete or vulnerable or something when you’re just hanging around here naked like that?" she asked.

"No," I answered. "In fact, it’s just the opposite. This is the way I feel the most comfortable and complete."

"Jeff said something like that, too, but I just don’t get it," she said. "I would never be comfortable like that."

I wanted to keep the conversation focused on me for now and away from Jeff until she clearly understood that my motives were not sexually oriented in any way. Then I would bring Jeff into the discussion. The other thing I wanted to make sure she knew was that neither I nor Jeff expected her to automatically jump into the nudist lifestyle just because we were (at least I hoped he didn’t).

"It’s a personal choice, and it’s certainly not for everyone," I said. "But ever since I can remember, I always felt more comfortable without clothes. I never did really act on those feelings very much until the last few years since I’ve been out on my own. Now I spend as much time nude as I can. I like it. It feels so free – so liberating. Especially outdoors."

That last statement about being nude outdoors prompted a lot more questions and we continued to discuss my experiences and why I felt the way I did. I kept all the discussion focused on me and made sure that she knew I wasn’t trying to force any of my ideas on her.

By now the coffee was ready so I got up and went to the counter to get cups and pour us some. All the while I was doing this and even while we were talking, I could sense Julie studying me. Not my body so much – we had seen each other nude in the locker room countless times – but rather she was studying my attitude and demeanor and how I carried myself. I was hoping that she would come to the conclusion that even though she had just found out I was a nudist, I was still the exact same person she had always known. It made me a little nervous at first, but soon I just settled into being me and forgot all about it.

Another part of our conversation went something like this:

I said, "So, Julie, by now you can see that nudism in and of itself is not a sexual thing, right?"

"Right," she said. "So?"

"That’s just the one thing I want to make sure you understand," I said.

"Oh, I see. Because of Jeff," she said.

"Right," I agreed. "And speaking of him, what did he tell you about all this?" Now I felt it was time to get her started thinking about Jeff in relation to all that we had discussed so far. I knew that he had at least tried to share his ideas and feelings with her before she got mad and left. So we talked about what he had told her for quite some time. There were a lot of gaps in what she understood about Jeff’s feelings that needed to be filled in – probably because she had been so angry that she either didn’t hear him or didn’t give him enough of a chance to explain. I kept her talking about Jeff and tried to supply some of the things she needed to know, but I knew that ultimately they needed to have this talk together so that she could have the chance to understand him first hand.

And then still another part of our conversation went like this:

Julie said, "But Sunny, this is all so unexpected – so out-of-the-blue. I mean, I’ve heard of nudists and nudist colonies and stuff like that before, but I never gave it much thought. I figured nudists were just some sort of freaks or something. I never expected to meet any. And now I found out that my best friend and my boyfriend are both nudists and not only that – they’ve been naked together? Whoa! That’s…well, what would you think?"

"I know, I know," I replied trying to sound as understanding as possible. "You could easily jump to the wrong conclusion. But you’ve heard my explanation. I’m just asking that you keep an open mind and listen to Jeff’s explanation, too. OK?"

"Yeah," she said. "I will. (sigh) But he may never speak to me again. Sunny, I was so awful to him last night. I can’t believe the things I said to him. He probably hates me now."

"You know him better than that," I said in a reassuring way. "He adores you. You need to talk to him right away. I know he’s worried about you."

"Yeah, he’s the greatest," she said and then added with a coy little twinkle in her eye, "And I suppose he’s not too bad looking either." What an understatement - Jeff is gorgeous. We both burst out laughing.

I grabbed our cups and got up to get us more coffee. While I was pouring, Julie suddenly said anxiously, "But Sunny, what if he wants me to – you know – be naked like you guys do? Outside and everything. I don’t think I could do that."

"Jeff is very considerate and understanding," I said. "I’m sure he’s not going to pressure you in any way."

"You’re probably right," she said, but then continued anxiously, "But even if he doesn’t come right out and say it, I’m afraid he’ll be disappointed if I don’t think like he does and if I don’t want to do this. You know - because you did it – or do it - and like it. But it’s probably a lot easier for you - you’ve got a great bod and you’re in great shape and everything."

Julie made that last statement because she wasn’t happy with her appearance lately. Last year when she went away to college she had fallen prey to the ‘freshman fifteen’. She still looked good, but because of the additional weight she had put on, she didn’t feel very good about herself. However, she still hadn’t felt strongly enough to change her diet and start exercising in order to do something about it.

"Thanks, but Julie, that’s not the point at all," I said with determination as I returned to the table with the coffee cups. "We - no wait, let me just speak for myself right now - I enjoy nudism because of the feeling of freedom and liberation that it gives me. I don’t do it to be seen. I don’t do it to see others. I just do it because I like it. It’s a preference of mine. I’m not trying to push it on you, am I? No, and I never will. I’ve listened to how you feel and I respect that. It’s OK with me if you never ever try this. Honest. It’s your choice to make and I respect that. The only thing I ask (I paused a moment and became very serious) is that – now that you know this about me – will you continue to accept me as your friend?"

"Oh, Sunny, of course I will!" she said as reached across the table and put her hand on my arm. "I’m surprised you still want to be friends with me after the things I said last night."

"That’s history. It’s in the past. Let’s move on."

"You’re the best friend I could ever have," she said. "I mean, I guess maybe up until now I thought I knew everything about you, but even with this, you’re still the best friend I’ve ever had."

"So are you," I said as I put my hand on hers as a sign of sincerity. "And I promise not to mess it up again. Listen, I swear this is the only thing you didn’t know about me and now you know and from now on I tell you everything whether you want to know it or not."

"Everything?" she said with a sly smile. "Sounds like business as usual!"

We both laughed. Things were getting back to normal with us. Pretty soon Julie got up from the table and said, "Well, I’d better go see if I still have a boyfriend."

"Stop worrying and just go to him," I said. "You can’t shake him loose that easy. Just be open and honest and listen and talk - like we did."

"Yeah, I will," she said.

I walked her to the door and as she stood there ready to leave I asked with sincerity, "So…are we OK?"

She smiled and answered by looking me up and down and asking, "So like…how do you hug a nudist?"

"Like this," I said as I stepped toward her and we hugged just like we had done countless times before.

Then she reached for the door and said, "Wish me luck."

"Good luck," I said. "But you won’t need it."

And with that she left. I closed the door (and locked it this time). Whew! What a roller coaster ride the last few hours had been – from bliss to disaster to reconciliation. I was so grateful that we had been able to work things out between us and I felt sure that she and Jeff would work things out equally as well. And who knows - this might even make them stronger as a couple.

I looked at the clock. There was no time to go back to bed and still make it to church so I proceeded to get ready. My day was full even before it began: church in the morning, work in the afternoon, and study that night until I got it all done. Oh well, who needs sleep.

END – Part 1 of 3